MoYS, Carson/Radek chapter four
Mar. 21st, 2005 04:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gilascaveStill rated PG13. Smut's in five. ;-)
Chapter Four
Distracted by the promise of that evening, Rodney put his questions on hold. Sheppard dragged him away to visit the astronomy department.
Carson gave Radek's hand a squeeze. "I suppose you're still interested in breakfast?"
Nodding quickly, Radek said, "Most definitely. I--" He stopped, embarrassed.
"It's all right," Carson said. "Charlie was always famished the morning after. Dr. Weir, if you'll excuse us?"
She nodded. "Go. And Dr. Zelenka, if you have any difficulties, from anyone -- please let me know. No matter how trivial it may seem; I won't tolerate any...discrimination." The word "violence" hung, unspoken. Radek simply nodded, not really knowing if he would take her at her word. But he appreciated the sentiment behind her assertions.
Officially, at least, he was welcomed.
It was a bizarre thing to be told. All his life he had been told by parents and grandparents and older cousins that humans were afraid of things that looked like monsters, that they destroyed what they feared. He'd been warned over again as a boy that to speak of what he was would lead to his death and the deaths of his family.
He glanced at Carson who was standing beside him, waiting patiently to go with him to breakfast. The look on his face was no different than it had been yesterday.
"Thank you," Radek said.
Carson nodded. "Let's get some breakfast -- you're not the only one missed a meal." And together they left for the mess hall.
The looks and talking didn't stop, on the way there. No one stopped them or tried to speak to them and Radek was beginning to wonder if Suzanna hadn't been the aberration. Finally he decided he would forego breakfast and return to his quarters, and he looked over at Carson to tell him.
He saw the fierce glare Carson was giving Dr. Wheeler, who had been walking towards them. The other man hesitated, then turned and went back the other way.
Radek was surprised, and opened his mouth to demand to know what Carson was doing. But...it was obvious what he was doing. Radek decided he rather appreciated it and said nothing. Dr. Wheeler was one of the astronomers; Radek didn't know him well, having only spoken with him on a very few occasions. He had no way of knowing if he would be friendly or antagonistic -- but he was glad to not have to find out just yet.
They reached the mess hall without further incident. Radek noted the stares and deliberately did not listen in to the conversations despite hearing his name mentioned. He focused on Carson, and on the food he'd been smelling for the last several minutes. They had made eggs, again, and the hot cereal they called oatmeal. All re-hydrated, reconstituted food.
There was no line, so Radek stopped at the counter and tried to decide which would be least unappealing.
"Do you want to ask them for something else?" Carson asked, quietly.
"Ask them...? No, that is not necessary." Radek shook his head and picked up a tray. The oatmeal was not very fresh -- breakfast had begun over three hours ago and the large pot looked and smelled like it had been sitting there the whole time.
On the other hand, the eggs had so little actual egg in them that it was cruel to serve them to someone expecting eggs. Perhaps he should get something to drink and raid Rodney's stash of sports bars again.
"Private Masters," Carson called over to the young man serving the food.
"Please," Radek began, reaching out for Carson's arm to stop him. But there was nothing here he could bear the thought of eating enough of to fill him.
The Marine walked over, wiping his hands on a towel. "What can I do for you, Dr. Beckett? Hey, Dr. Zelenka. Heard you had an adventure last night. Everything all right?"
Radek blinked. "Y..yes."
"Do you have anything back there we could get instead -- something with a bit of protein?" Carson asked.
Masters frowned, slightly, then his face cleared. "Oh, yeah. Um..." He looked confused, shooting a quick glance at Radek. "I...." He stopped, obviously worried about whatever question he wanted to ask.
"It is all right," Radek said quietly, realising that Masters had seen him eating other things here, before. "I can eat...this, but I really would prefer some meat." He caught Carson's look, and corrected himself. "Actually, more than a bit. A...couple of servings."
Masters nodded, most of his confusion fading -- but he still looked apologetic. He asked, "I...um, we got some of that kruker, from the mainland. Those rabbit things. I've got them in the freezer, would only take a few minutes to get some out. I..uh...."
The light dawned. "Cooked is perfectly fine," Radek told him. "Unlike common wolves, we do not prefer our food raw." It was actually fine when raw -- but he didn't want to say so, nor deal with eating his food in such a manner here in front of everyone. He liked cooked meat just as well.
"Gotcha." Masters nodded, grinning. "Be up in a few -- fastest thing is nuke it to defrost, then grill it up. I got some bottled sauces, barbecue or gravy or worchestershire, if you have a preference?"
Radek wrinkled his nose. "No sauce, thank you."
"Seasoning salt?"
He hesitated, then shook his head. "Just the meat, thank you," he said, feeling oddly reluctant to admit it, even though he'd admitted to so much already.
"No problem, Dr. Zelenka. I'll bring it out when it's ready." He gave them a nod and walked back towards the kitchen.
"Steak and eggs for breakfast," Carson said, easily. "No one said we'd dine so well when we agreed to come to Atlantis." He grabbed a bowl of the oatmeal then they went over to get two mugs of tea. Radek followed Carson towards a table out on the balcony and sat down with his back to the main seating area while Carson seated himself on the other side of the table. Radek looked out over Carson's shoulder towards the ocean.
He'd grown used to the constant scent of salt water and brine, but he still did not enjoy it. It was impossible to get away from except in the very driest parts of the city. His own quarters he had scrubbed for hours until finally there was very little aroma at all.
He wished there was some way to make it smell like home. Not Earth necessarily, but something other than metal and salt. The one time he'd left Atlantis when they had evacuated to Manara to escape the storm, he'd been sorely tempted get take a bucket to get dirt for his quarters.
"Shall I offer a penny for your thoughts?"
Radek blinked, and realised Carson was watching him. "I am sorry," he apologised for ignoring him. "It has been very busy twenty four hours."
"Aye, it has."
They fell silent again and Radek had the feeling that Carson was waiting for him to decide to speak. The trouble was, there was only one topic that was coming to mind and he didn't know if he was ready to have that conversation yet.
He stared at his mug of tea, not really wanting it. There was nothing he wanted in its stead -- except perhaps a thick venison steak, cut large and lightly grilled over an open flame. His grandfather had always made breakfast on full moon mornings, waking up as soon as the moon set and filling the entire house with the smell of meat.
Sometimes his mother would make roasted potatoes as well for those who wanted them. But mostly they had all sat together and ate, sharing stories and catching up with everyone's lives. Moonset mornings were the best times -- the entire pack was almost always home, only those young adults who were off to school or just moved out on their own, were absent.
Radek had not spent a moonset with members of his family in a long while. It was not particularly unusual, though typically lone wolves would create their own packs more quickly than he had managed to do. He hadn't thought he wanted one -- had instead joined the Stargate program and hidden his true nature away.
But the loneliness of it was hitting him hard now. All around him there was talk and laughter, and the sounds of people eating. But the smells were all wrong and the people he was surrounded by were strangers. Friendly, perhaps, and some of them definitely friends. But none were family.
He was startled by Carson's hand touching his. He realised he'd fallen silent too long, and found Carson looking at him with sadness in his eyes.
"I'm sorry," Carson said quietly.
"For what are you sorry?"
"For whatever put that look on your face. I wish there was some way I could change it."
"I...." He ought to ask, he knew that. But surely he would be forgiven for shying away from it, for now. "I will be fine." Even he didn't believe himself. He pulled his hand away from Carson's, despite wishing very much he could have more.
"Radek...would you mind if I asked you something?"
Radek held back a sigh, but nodded. The reprieve was over, it seemed.
"Is this why you've...never said anything about...about us being more than... well, what we are?"
Radek frowned. Not exactly the question he had expected. But he said, honestly, "It would not have been possible for me to keep this from you. If we were....closer."
Carson nodded and his expression was guarded. Radek found himself tensing. "Would you...I mean...I'm not very good at this," Carson confessed.
"It is all right," Radek whispered, and he tried very hard to keep himself composed. "I understand."
He was shocked when Carson rolled his eyes and said, "Not that! I'm trying to ask if you mind if we...it's not like I can invite you to the cinema or out to meals." He gestured at the dining area. "But I'd like to see more of you than just an occasional night together."
Radek's jaw dropped, and he was unable -- perhaps fortunately -- to say anything, as he smelled his breakfast approaching. He shut his mouth and waited; a moment later Masters walked up and set a gloriously full plate in front of him. "Dekuji. Thank you." He reached for his fork, then stopped. Carson was waiting patiently. A little worriedly, but his mouth was quirked into an amused half-smile.
"I--"
"Oh, eat first. It's all right," Carson said. Radek narrowed his eyes. Carson continued in an innocent tone, "I'll just sit here on tenterhooks."
Radek smiled -- then grinned. "The answer is yes. Now may I eat?"
"Yes," Carson said simply. But his eyes had lit up and his entire bearing had changed. Even his scent shifted -- still himself, still the mild arousal, and still the goddammed sea air. But now there was also happiness. Something he had detected quite rarely from Carson.
Radek tore off a piece of the kruker and shoved it into his mouth. The taste was like nothing he'd ever had before on Earth. It was the size of a rabbit, but nothing like its flavor. But it was meat, and it was excellent.
He realised there was something missing which, now, he could ask for. Perhaps it was not even necessary to ask. He stopped eating, hesitated long enough for Carson to start to ask him what was wrong. Radek pushed his plate to the other side of the table, then got up and walked around to sit down beside Carson. There was plenty of room, but Radek sat close enough that their arms and legs were touching. He prepared himself to explain, but Carson just gave him a fond look then went back to eating his breakfast.
It had been a very long time since he had touched anyone -- other than Carson on those few nights. He had to stifle the urge to demand more -- breakfast was not a place for cuddles, even if he didn't want to make the entire contingent of other diners stare even more than they already were.
But it felt so very good. The pressure of contact against his thigh, his arm brushing Carson's as he ate. Something that had been very tight inside him began to relax for the first time in a very, very long while.
Chapter Four
Distracted by the promise of that evening, Rodney put his questions on hold. Sheppard dragged him away to visit the astronomy department.
Carson gave Radek's hand a squeeze. "I suppose you're still interested in breakfast?"
Nodding quickly, Radek said, "Most definitely. I--" He stopped, embarrassed.
"It's all right," Carson said. "Charlie was always famished the morning after. Dr. Weir, if you'll excuse us?"
She nodded. "Go. And Dr. Zelenka, if you have any difficulties, from anyone -- please let me know. No matter how trivial it may seem; I won't tolerate any...discrimination." The word "violence" hung, unspoken. Radek simply nodded, not really knowing if he would take her at her word. But he appreciated the sentiment behind her assertions.
Officially, at least, he was welcomed.
It was a bizarre thing to be told. All his life he had been told by parents and grandparents and older cousins that humans were afraid of things that looked like monsters, that they destroyed what they feared. He'd been warned over again as a boy that to speak of what he was would lead to his death and the deaths of his family.
He glanced at Carson who was standing beside him, waiting patiently to go with him to breakfast. The look on his face was no different than it had been yesterday.
"Thank you," Radek said.
Carson nodded. "Let's get some breakfast -- you're not the only one missed a meal." And together they left for the mess hall.
The looks and talking didn't stop, on the way there. No one stopped them or tried to speak to them and Radek was beginning to wonder if Suzanna hadn't been the aberration. Finally he decided he would forego breakfast and return to his quarters, and he looked over at Carson to tell him.
He saw the fierce glare Carson was giving Dr. Wheeler, who had been walking towards them. The other man hesitated, then turned and went back the other way.
Radek was surprised, and opened his mouth to demand to know what Carson was doing. But...it was obvious what he was doing. Radek decided he rather appreciated it and said nothing. Dr. Wheeler was one of the astronomers; Radek didn't know him well, having only spoken with him on a very few occasions. He had no way of knowing if he would be friendly or antagonistic -- but he was glad to not have to find out just yet.
They reached the mess hall without further incident. Radek noted the stares and deliberately did not listen in to the conversations despite hearing his name mentioned. He focused on Carson, and on the food he'd been smelling for the last several minutes. They had made eggs, again, and the hot cereal they called oatmeal. All re-hydrated, reconstituted food.
There was no line, so Radek stopped at the counter and tried to decide which would be least unappealing.
"Do you want to ask them for something else?" Carson asked, quietly.
"Ask them...? No, that is not necessary." Radek shook his head and picked up a tray. The oatmeal was not very fresh -- breakfast had begun over three hours ago and the large pot looked and smelled like it had been sitting there the whole time.
On the other hand, the eggs had so little actual egg in them that it was cruel to serve them to someone expecting eggs. Perhaps he should get something to drink and raid Rodney's stash of sports bars again.
"Private Masters," Carson called over to the young man serving the food.
"Please," Radek began, reaching out for Carson's arm to stop him. But there was nothing here he could bear the thought of eating enough of to fill him.
The Marine walked over, wiping his hands on a towel. "What can I do for you, Dr. Beckett? Hey, Dr. Zelenka. Heard you had an adventure last night. Everything all right?"
Radek blinked. "Y..yes."
"Do you have anything back there we could get instead -- something with a bit of protein?" Carson asked.
Masters frowned, slightly, then his face cleared. "Oh, yeah. Um..." He looked confused, shooting a quick glance at Radek. "I...." He stopped, obviously worried about whatever question he wanted to ask.
"It is all right," Radek said quietly, realising that Masters had seen him eating other things here, before. "I can eat...this, but I really would prefer some meat." He caught Carson's look, and corrected himself. "Actually, more than a bit. A...couple of servings."
Masters nodded, most of his confusion fading -- but he still looked apologetic. He asked, "I...um, we got some of that kruker, from the mainland. Those rabbit things. I've got them in the freezer, would only take a few minutes to get some out. I..uh...."
The light dawned. "Cooked is perfectly fine," Radek told him. "Unlike common wolves, we do not prefer our food raw." It was actually fine when raw -- but he didn't want to say so, nor deal with eating his food in such a manner here in front of everyone. He liked cooked meat just as well.
"Gotcha." Masters nodded, grinning. "Be up in a few -- fastest thing is nuke it to defrost, then grill it up. I got some bottled sauces, barbecue or gravy or worchestershire, if you have a preference?"
Radek wrinkled his nose. "No sauce, thank you."
"Seasoning salt?"
He hesitated, then shook his head. "Just the meat, thank you," he said, feeling oddly reluctant to admit it, even though he'd admitted to so much already.
"No problem, Dr. Zelenka. I'll bring it out when it's ready." He gave them a nod and walked back towards the kitchen.
"Steak and eggs for breakfast," Carson said, easily. "No one said we'd dine so well when we agreed to come to Atlantis." He grabbed a bowl of the oatmeal then they went over to get two mugs of tea. Radek followed Carson towards a table out on the balcony and sat down with his back to the main seating area while Carson seated himself on the other side of the table. Radek looked out over Carson's shoulder towards the ocean.
He'd grown used to the constant scent of salt water and brine, but he still did not enjoy it. It was impossible to get away from except in the very driest parts of the city. His own quarters he had scrubbed for hours until finally there was very little aroma at all.
He wished there was some way to make it smell like home. Not Earth necessarily, but something other than metal and salt. The one time he'd left Atlantis when they had evacuated to Manara to escape the storm, he'd been sorely tempted get take a bucket to get dirt for his quarters.
"Shall I offer a penny for your thoughts?"
Radek blinked, and realised Carson was watching him. "I am sorry," he apologised for ignoring him. "It has been very busy twenty four hours."
"Aye, it has."
They fell silent again and Radek had the feeling that Carson was waiting for him to decide to speak. The trouble was, there was only one topic that was coming to mind and he didn't know if he was ready to have that conversation yet.
He stared at his mug of tea, not really wanting it. There was nothing he wanted in its stead -- except perhaps a thick venison steak, cut large and lightly grilled over an open flame. His grandfather had always made breakfast on full moon mornings, waking up as soon as the moon set and filling the entire house with the smell of meat.
Sometimes his mother would make roasted potatoes as well for those who wanted them. But mostly they had all sat together and ate, sharing stories and catching up with everyone's lives. Moonset mornings were the best times -- the entire pack was almost always home, only those young adults who were off to school or just moved out on their own, were absent.
Radek had not spent a moonset with members of his family in a long while. It was not particularly unusual, though typically lone wolves would create their own packs more quickly than he had managed to do. He hadn't thought he wanted one -- had instead joined the Stargate program and hidden his true nature away.
But the loneliness of it was hitting him hard now. All around him there was talk and laughter, and the sounds of people eating. But the smells were all wrong and the people he was surrounded by were strangers. Friendly, perhaps, and some of them definitely friends. But none were family.
He was startled by Carson's hand touching his. He realised he'd fallen silent too long, and found Carson looking at him with sadness in his eyes.
"I'm sorry," Carson said quietly.
"For what are you sorry?"
"For whatever put that look on your face. I wish there was some way I could change it."
"I...." He ought to ask, he knew that. But surely he would be forgiven for shying away from it, for now. "I will be fine." Even he didn't believe himself. He pulled his hand away from Carson's, despite wishing very much he could have more.
"Radek...would you mind if I asked you something?"
Radek held back a sigh, but nodded. The reprieve was over, it seemed.
"Is this why you've...never said anything about...about us being more than... well, what we are?"
Radek frowned. Not exactly the question he had expected. But he said, honestly, "It would not have been possible for me to keep this from you. If we were....closer."
Carson nodded and his expression was guarded. Radek found himself tensing. "Would you...I mean...I'm not very good at this," Carson confessed.
"It is all right," Radek whispered, and he tried very hard to keep himself composed. "I understand."
He was shocked when Carson rolled his eyes and said, "Not that! I'm trying to ask if you mind if we...it's not like I can invite you to the cinema or out to meals." He gestured at the dining area. "But I'd like to see more of you than just an occasional night together."
Radek's jaw dropped, and he was unable -- perhaps fortunately -- to say anything, as he smelled his breakfast approaching. He shut his mouth and waited; a moment later Masters walked up and set a gloriously full plate in front of him. "Dekuji. Thank you." He reached for his fork, then stopped. Carson was waiting patiently. A little worriedly, but his mouth was quirked into an amused half-smile.
"I--"
"Oh, eat first. It's all right," Carson said. Radek narrowed his eyes. Carson continued in an innocent tone, "I'll just sit here on tenterhooks."
Radek smiled -- then grinned. "The answer is yes. Now may I eat?"
"Yes," Carson said simply. But his eyes had lit up and his entire bearing had changed. Even his scent shifted -- still himself, still the mild arousal, and still the goddammed sea air. But now there was also happiness. Something he had detected quite rarely from Carson.
Radek tore off a piece of the kruker and shoved it into his mouth. The taste was like nothing he'd ever had before on Earth. It was the size of a rabbit, but nothing like its flavor. But it was meat, and it was excellent.
He realised there was something missing which, now, he could ask for. Perhaps it was not even necessary to ask. He stopped eating, hesitated long enough for Carson to start to ask him what was wrong. Radek pushed his plate to the other side of the table, then got up and walked around to sit down beside Carson. There was plenty of room, but Radek sat close enough that their arms and legs were touching. He prepared himself to explain, but Carson just gave him a fond look then went back to eating his breakfast.
It had been a very long time since he had touched anyone -- other than Carson on those few nights. He had to stifle the urge to demand more -- breakfast was not a place for cuddles, even if he didn't want to make the entire contingent of other diners stare even more than they already were.
But it felt so very good. The pressure of contact against his thigh, his arm brushing Carson's as he ate. Something that had been very tight inside him began to relax for the first time in a very, very long while.