Wake Me Up For Second Breakfast

[gilascave]

It was early, that was all he knew. The sun wasn't up, wasn't going to be up for hours because it was winter and the sun didn't do that sort of thing until noon in winter. It was early, and he was out of bed -- two of the most horrible conditions known to man. This hour of the day was more properly reserved for sleeping, drinking, and fucking. Possibly not all at the same time.

Billy managed to find the eating area, a half-nook set on the other side of the living room, and stumbled through it. He should turn around and go back to bed.

So why wasn't he? Honestly, he had no idea. Mysterious banging noises at 7 o'clock in the morning should just stay mysterious. He fumbled for a light switch, knowing there had to be one on the wall somewhere. There had been yesterday -- but yesterday had been at a decent hour. The banging sounded again, and Billy froze, hand on the faceplate of the light.

It sounded...not exactly mysterious. It sounded like pots and pans. He flipped on the switch. He could see over the bar window into the kitchen. There were two very short hallucinations there. Making breakfast.

Billy rubbed a hand over his face, thought about perhaps being asleep in bed, and looked again. Still there.

Still making breakfast.

One of them glanced his way, and he found himself thinking *someone* had done an excellent make-up job. Whether it was for these fellows, or for Dominic, he couldn't decide. Then he remembered these were hallucinations, so of course they looked the way they ought.

He sighed, and laughed at himself. He was never, ever, again drinking...Virgin Cola? He'd been drinking soda last night and *this* was what he got for a hangover?

"Do you have any butter?" one of the hallucinations asked him.

Billy stared. It even *sounded* -- well, of course. He smacked his forehead. "Yeah, it's in the--" He stopped, and thought about smacking himself again. Why was he talking back? He shook his head and decided he ought be back in bed. Now.

"In the where?" Merry asked, politely. Beside him, a very realistic-looking Pippin, was slicing something, and putting it into a skillet.

"Icebox," he said. Might as well be nice, he thought. If he was, maybe they'd go away.

The two hobbits looked around the kitchen, confused. "I don't see any boxes of ice," Pippin said.

Billy sighed again, and headed for the kitchen. He would show them where the butter was, then he was going back to bed, and if any hallucinations wanted anything else with their breakfast, they could find it themselves. He moved past the two hobbits -- noting reluctantly that yes, indeed, they were about three feet, nine inches tall. He opened the fridge door, and pointed.

"Oo! Look at this, Merry!" Pippin dove forward, and began hauling items out.

Billy could only watch, until he realized his hallucinations were going to completely clean him out of food. "Hey! Just the butter, mind? I've got to eat *something* all week."

The two looked at him, then Merry nodded. "Right. Put it back --we'll make the toast and pork chops for second breakfast."

Pippin nodded eagerly, and began returning the food to the refrigerator. Billy sighed, and turned around. Bed. He only got two steps before he heard Merry whisper, "He does, doesn't he?"

"I don't think so," Pippin whispered back.

Billy, despite himself, stopped and turned back around. "I what?"

Pippin straightened, and said, imperiously, "I don't think you look a thing like me."

"Don't look a thing-- Look, whose hallucination are you, anyway?" Billy demanded.

The two hobbits looked at each other, confused. "He thinks we're a hallucination," Merry said, in a half-sympathetic tone.

Pippin frowned, and looked at Billy. "We're not. Why would we be making breakfast if we weren't real?"

Billy pointed at himself. "Because I'm insane? Why am I hallucinating you at all? Why am I *talking* to you?" He turned, quickly, and hurried back towards the bedroom. Bed, pillow, under the blankets, and in the *actual* morning, when the sun was up and normal people were...well, normal people would have been out of bed for hours but people like *him* were just crawling out of bed, he would...er...crawl out of bed. And the hallucination would be over.

He didn't get that far. He hit something solid, in the doorway, and bounced back. "Oof!"

"Wha? Sorry," Dominic muttered, stepping aside. He was obviously not awake yet, eyes at half-mast and hair mussed the way it only gets when one has sleeping the sleep of the dead. Or drunk. Maybe it hadn't been cola.

Billy grabbed him by the arm. "What did you put in those sodas?"

Dominic blinked, and stared at him. "What?" He sounded slightly more awake.

"Never mind. I'm going back to bed. Don't go in the kitchen!" he shouted, as Dominic took a step towards the living room.

Dominic stopped and looked at him, awake now and his expression said that he was afraid Billy had hit his head on a brick, or something, and was delusional.

Billy wasn't sure he wasn't wrong.

"Why not?" he asked, reasonably, humouring him. Billy would have snarked at him if he hadn't thought he needed humouring.

"There's hallucinations in there," he explained.

Dominic blinked.

Billy just waited.

"There's what?"

"Excuse me, where're the plates?"

They both looked down. Merry was standing there. Billy glanced over at Dominic, and found him staring at the hallucination as though he could see and hear it. Merry waited, patiently. He had a polite look on his face, again, and Billy was moved to remark that he'd never quite seen Dom look that way.

Dominic gave him a dirty look.

"Yeah, that's more like it." Billy grinned, then looked down at the hobbit. "Plates are in the cupboard above the sink. Er...you can't reach them."

"Billy!" Dominic hissed.

"What?"

"I think I'm hallucinating."

Billy rolled his eyes, and headed after Merry back towards the kitchen. Trust Dominic to not know how to deal with a hallucination properly.

He found Pippin discovering the wonders of an electric range. The butter was sizzling, and the faint smell of sausage was beginning to fill the room. Billy pulled two place settings out of the cupboard, and set them on the counter where the hobbits could reach them. He looked through the window at Dominic, who was watching, open-mouthed. "What?" he demanded.

Merry interrupted, "Aren't you two joining us?"

Billy looked at Merry, looked at Pippin, then looked at Dominic. He wanted to say he was going back to bed. He wanted to say he had an appointment, and couldn't possibly. He wanted to say he'd given up eating, for Lent, only he had no idea when Lent was.

But the sausages smelled *really* good.

"Lemme go put a robe on."

"Why?" Merry asked, grinning. "Not like it's anything any of us haven't seen before. Only not that size." Pippin smacked him with a towel.

Billy decided that no, in fact, he was going to hide in the bathroom until Sunday. And from the look on Dominic's face, he was going to have company.

"Are you going to want any toast?" called Pippin, as they ran from the room.

the end