Torchwood: And You Will Know Her, 3/3
Aug. 15th, 2009 11:37 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gilascaveTitle: And You Will Know Her By the Smile in Her Eyes
Author: James
Rating: PG-15
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Word Count: 21,900 total
Disclaimer: not mine, no profit made
Warnings: mpreg, mis-use of coffee machines.
Spoilers: AU after Season One
Summary: Jack is gone, and Ianto has discovered something very important that he needs Jack for. Will he find Jack in time, and, more importantly, what will happen when Jack does return?
Notes: Hope betad this at several stages and made me re-write more than you could possibly imagine. Anything involving coffee is her fault.
Continued from part two
~~~
Ianto adjusted the sling as it hung over his shoulder and across his back, then hitched the changing bag over his other shoulder before taking Carys out of her car-seat. He nearly patted his side to check for his holster; he'd been on leave for almost a month now and he still wasn't used to walking around without it.
He hadn't really carried a weapon that much in all the time he'd worked for Torchwood. But something about having his infant daughter against his chest made him wish he was well-armed. Ianto laughed at himself and locked up the car, then turned to walk through the carpark and to the access door. Five minutes later the cogdoor was rolling back, its loud siren not disturbing Carys in the least. He stepped through and the first thing he heard was Tosh, calling to him.
"Ianto! I'm glad you're here."
He looked over to see her at her workstation, glancing at him before returning her attention to her computer screen. Ianto hurried over. "Morning, Tosh. What's up?"
"I've been working on this program all morning and getting nowhere." She looked up at him and smiled. "I need a break."
"Ah." Ianto returned her smile, and reached into the sling and pulled out Carys. He handed her over and Tosh pushed back from her desk, cradling his daughter in her arms. He slipped the sling off, dropping it carefully on the floor beside Tosh's desk, and heard someone walk up behind him. Glancing over his shoulder, he smiled at Gwen.
"Baby break?" Gwen asked knowingly.
"Seems I've arrived just in time. How are things going, otherwise?"
"Quiet this week, which means I've just jinxed us." Gwen grinned. "Glad to see you two. How is she doing?"
"Since the last time you saw her, two days ago? She's barely changed. Not talking or walking yet," he added with a wink.
Gwen grinned, then looked apologetic. "I know you've only just got here, and technically you're on leave--"
Ianto slowly smiled. "Should I go make coffee?"
"Oh God, yes, please!" Gwen clapped her hands together, beseechingly. "Make them extra strong, keep us going through tomorrow."
"You know perfectly well drugs don't enter the bloodstream on a drip, unless you actually use a drip. Or do you plan on drinking half a cup now, half tomorrow?" Owen asked as he walked up. "We'll just be so wired we'll be bouncing off the ceiling." He gestured at the Hub's lofty airspace. "And that's saying something, down here."
"You're admitting you don't have any self-control?" Ianto asked, even as he made his way up the stairs to the landing where the coffee machine sat. Owen and Gwen followed, as if unable to wait a second longer than necessary.
Owen shook his head, proudly. "None whatsoever. Never claimed otherwise."
Ianto just rolled his eyes and set about making coffee. He was pleasantly surprised to find the counter tops and all the mugs were clean, and a glance showed the espresso machine itself was freshly wiped down. Clearly they'd planned this, knowing he was dropping by today. Well, he didn't mind rewarding such good behaviour -- the break area really was clean, almost as if they hadn't even been using it.
As he was making the first cup, he looked around the area again and frowned. "Have you been eating here at all?"
"Of course!" Owen protested. "Not like we have time to go out and grab a bag of crisps every time we want a snack."
"We cleaned yesterday," Gwen admitted. "All three of us -- even got the scrub brushes out. We didn't want you thinking we were being complete pigs while you're gone."
Ianto stared at her, realisation dawning. "My God," he said. "I really am the mam."
Gwen laughed and Owen looked like he was about to say something sarcastic -- because when was it anything else, Ianto told himself. Then the cog door began to roll open and all of them froze in place.
The alarms were going off, but just the normal yellow lights and alarm that said someone was entering -- someone who belonged there. Ianto felt his heart stop beating as Captain Jack Harkness walked through the door.
Jack saw them and grinned, a jaunty smirk that made Ianto want to go over and hit him. Hard. Jack just stood inside the door, practically posing as he asked, "Heya, kids. Miss me?"
Before Ianto could think of anything to say, Gwen was hurrying down the stairs. Setting the cup of coffee on the counter, Ianto followed more slowly, Owen moving half a step ahead. Ianto kept both of them in front of him -- needing that feeling of a protective wall between him and Jack. Owen came to a sudden halt, with Ianto nearly running him over, as Gwen reached Jack and slapped his face.
Jack blinked at her, and his grin almost faltered. "Should I get out the handcuffs?" he asked; as always it was not completely clear how much he was joking.
"Where the hell have you been?" Gwen demanded.
A dark look crossed Jack's face. "I'm sorry," he said, though he sounded more angry than penitent. "I told you once before, I was waiting for someone."
"For the right sort of doctor, yes," Gwen interrupted. "One who travels in time so why the hell did you come back now instead of three months ago?"
"Does it matter?" Jack glanced over at Owen and Ianto, but neither of them were inclined to derail Gwen's tongue-lashing. "I left. I found what I was looking for, and now I'm back."
"Oh, well, that's fine then," Owen said, sarcastically. "Let's just get on with our business then, shall we?" Ianto glanced over and wasn't entirely surprised to see the furious glare on Owen's face. Not until Owen glanced sideways at Ianto, and it dawned on him how much of that fury was for him.
Jack responded with a glare of his own, then he visibly brought himself under control. In an even tone he said, "I'm sorry I left so abruptly, but to be honest -- I've been waiting for over a hundred years for the Doctor to show up. I couldn't risk missing him." He paused, and looked from Gwen, to Owen, then to Ianto. There was something in his eyes that Ianto couldn't describe.
"So you found your answers, then," Ianto said, trying to keep his own voice steady. "Does that mean he's fixed you?"
There was a hesitation, then Jack grinned. "What's to fix? You don't mess with perfection." He shrugged slightly. "I found out what happened. He can't change it."
"So you didn't get what you wanted, and you figured might as well come back here, like nothing's happened?" Ianto wasn't surprised by the bitterness in his voice, didn't try to hide it even as Gwen looked at him with sympathy in her eyes. He shook his head slightly at her when she would have interrupted.
Jack was staring at him, though, his expression composed. "Not like nothing happened. But I had some time to think," he said casually, though the dark look didn't leave his eyes. "I realised that this is where I need to be. Where I want to be." Jack glanced at Owen and Gwen, and Ianto wondered if there weren't more he might have said, had they been alone. But then, when had Jack ever said anything other than 'take your shirt off' when they'd been alone?
Ianto preferred to stay by Owen, knowing that at least Owen wouldn't be afraid to throw a coffee mug at Jack's head if he said something really annoying. Behind him, there was the sudden rushing, rumbling noise of the milk steaming -- he'd forgotten all about the coffee cease of the background hum as the grinder finished the beans Ianto had put in it for the fresh coffee. As if in Pavlovian response to what the change in noise promised, Jack's smile widened. "Oh, I am just in time, aren't I?" He walked up, hurrying past Ianto, brushing against Ianto in an obviously suggestive manner.
Tensing, Ianto started to move away, to step around to keep Owen between them -- but he caught Jack's glance and again saw something more than the devil-may-care attitude Jack seemed to be sporting. Ianto took a hesitant step after him and felt Owen's hand touch his arm briefly. He glanced back and read the question in Owen's eyes -- did Ianto want someone to accompany him, provide coffee-mug-throwing skills. Ianto shook his head slightly and followed Jack up to the break room.
He stood back as Jack seemingly followed his nose to where Ianto had set the first cup of coffee aside, half-finished, and watched as Jack brought the mug to his face and inhaled, slowly, like a man who'd been starving for caffeine. As he took a sip, Jack looked at him over the rim of the mug, and winked. "Oh, you have no idea how good that is," he said after his first long swallow of coffee. "I've missed this."
It was on the tip of his tongue to say something about how it was Jack's fault he'd left and stayed gone. But he noticed that Jack was holding the mug tightly, fingers almost pale with the pressure of gripping the ceramic. "You're back just in time, then," he said instead. "Before the others have had their chance to finish off the supply." He gestured to the grinder.
Jack gave him a grin, then glanced over Ianto's shoulder and some of the cheer left his face. He said quietly, "So... How have you been?"
Taken slightly aback, Ianto answered honestly at first before catching himself from saying too much. "Missed you. Things have been... as well as could be expected. Under the circumstances."
Jack looked at him for a moment, clearly waiting for details, but Ianto didn't elaborate. He didn't want to reveal Carys yet, wanted to know what Jack would say without that to distract him. "So, business as usual?" Jack finally asked in a tone that was light, but with an expression that said Jack didn't quite believe him.
But Ianto nodded. "For Torchwood, yes." Which meant he wasn't lying. Jack couldn't accuse him later of lying to him.
Jack grinned, then, apparently willing to take the lack of detail to mean whatever had happened was no longer important. "Anything interesting happening today? Rift alerts, aliens in the park? UFO sightings?"
"Nothing," Ianto said, as though he'd been here himself. But Gwen had said it had been quiet, and he trusted her.
"Any chance, then, of us sneaking out for the day?" Jack lifted one eyebrow, and there was no mistaking the intent of his question.
Ianto opened his mouth-- and stopped. Of course Tosh would be delighted to mind Carys and give them some time alone. But Ianto found he didn't want to. Not yet, and not like this. He shook his head. "Not today. Sorry."
Jack stared at him, waiting, then looked surprised. "That's it? No, sorry? Come on, if the Rift isn't acting up, and nothing important is on the agenda..." His voice dropped again, into the same, sincere-sounding tone. "I've missed you."
Ianto shrugged. "I can't just drop everything because you've returned. I do have a life, you know." He glared at Jack, though there was no real heat in it. Perhaps because he desperately wanted to say yes. To spend an afternoon with Jack, to go back to his flat and just lose himself in sex and not have to think about-- Except he couldn't take Jack back to his place, not with a crib in the corner of the bedroom.
"I... I actually... wanted to talk to you about that," Jack said, looking suddenly hesitant. "While I was gone I had a lot of time to think." He gave a sort of laugh. "Nothing but time to think. And... I meant it, you know. I missed you. And I wanted to come back here, for you. I was thinking..." His gaze flickered over Ianto's shoulder again before he asked, "If you would like to go out sometime?"
Ianto stared at him. "Excuse me?"
"Movie, dinner," Jack shrugged. "Or whatever you want."
"Are you asking me out on a date?" He couldn't believe it. Of all the things he'd imagined from Jack upon his return, this had definitely not been it.
He'd dreamt about it, surely. Of having a normal relationship. But actually getting one? Had not ever been among his expectations.
"Yes," Jack said, in a quiet, determined voice. "On a date. I... want to do this properly."
Ianto felt like sitting down. Or falling over. Or, possibly, slugging Jack in the face. "Doing... this?"
"Us." Jack looked at him, gaze not wavering.
Ianto opened his mouth, and nothing came out. He closed his mouth, tried to think of something to say, and opened his mouth again. Nothing came out. A date. Doing things properly, which meant not falling into bed (or a shower, or sofa, or hallway), but... dating.
"There's a complication," Ianto said, and hated the way Jack's eyes darkened and his hesitant, open expression started to cloud over in a mask. "I'm not saying no, I'm just... There's a slight complication. Um. Not slight, actually. A very enormous complication." He thought about what he'd said, and shook his head. "Physically quite small." He realised he was starting to babble, and forced himself to shut up.
"Complication?" Jack asked, sounding like he was trying to remain calm.
Ianto looked at him, and realised he needed to say something else, first. "I do very much want to go on a date with you, Jack. And I am delighted to hear you ask. The answer is yes, actually, but... It isn't like you think." Ianto glanced over to where he could see Tosh, half-hidden behind her computer screens. "You see, I've just got back from spending several months with Torchwood 81. Something happened, here, before you left and they came back to... help me deal with the consequences."
Jack blinked, clearly taken completely by surprise. "Torchwood 81? What happened?" His eyes narrowed as he realised Ianto had been withholding important details earlier, after all. Suddenly Jack the hesitant boyfriend was replaced, clearly, by Captain Harkness, the leader of Torchwood. His stance had chanced, his voice and the way he glared at Ianto like he'd better start talking, immediately.
The attitude irritated him, as it really wasn't a matter for the leader of Torchwood but, more properly, a matter for Jack the boyfriend. But Jack didn't know that, yet. Keeping his emotions under control, Ianto replied, "We're still not sure what the device was, that did it to me--"
Jack interrupted, his voice suddenly frantic as he took hold of Ianto's arms. "What did it do? Are you all right?"
Taken aback, Ianto nodded. Jack no longer looked angry -- he only looked alarmed at the suggestion that he'd been hurt. The look in his eyes... looked like something he hadn't ever seen before from Jack. Had it never been there? Or had he somehow managed not to see it? Regardless, he could see it now and perhaps... just perhaps, it meant something.
"I'm fine," he said, and he glanced over Jack's shoulder. Tosh had got up and was walking towards them. Ianto looked back at Jack, meeting his eyes. "But it's going to be very much more than one date."
"Huh?" Jack didn't let go, just stared at Ianto in confusion, then Tosh stepped up beside them and Ianto moved out of Jack's grasp to reach over and take Carys into his arms. Tosh glanced at Jack but said nothing as she walked away, giving them some privacy. Ianto held her out to Jack, who looked utterly dumbfounded as Ianto put her into Jack's arms.
Jack stared. "What the hell is this?"
He nearly snapped back that it was a baby, but instead he said calmly, "Her name is Carys. Carys Lisa Jones-Harkness."
Jack's eyes grew wide, and his mouth dropped open. He looked down at the baby in his arms, staring in disbelief.
For a long moment Jack said nothing, and Ianto narrowed his eyes slightly. Surely Jack couldn't be this thick. "She's your daughter. Our daughter."
That brought Jack's head up, staring at him. He looked... afraid.
Ianto had to admit, he could hardly blame him. But he had rather hoped for a little bit of delight. He reached over and slipped his hands underneath Carys, pulling her out of Jack's arms. He settled her in his own embrace, getting caught, as always, staring at her for a bit before pulling himself away to look up at Jack.
"I am delighted to go out on a date with you," he repeated. "But there is more than just me you need to consider." He watched as the fear didn't seem to be fading. He hesitated, then decided to let Jack off the hook -- despite what he'd been hoping for. "I'm not asking you for anything. She was an accident, I know that. But it's only right you should know. Whatever... whatever you decide. I don't actually need anything."
Which was as untrue as he could get. Ianto needed Jack. Needed Jack to hold him, to tell him he wasn't going to ruin his daughter's life by being the worst father in history. He needed to wake up in Jack's arms, feeling safe and secure -- if not loved.
He needed to know he wasn't doing this alone, but, as he caught sight of Tosh, standing across the way with Gwen and Owen, he realised he wasn't. Not at the moment, at least. Once he had to leave Torchwood for good, he didn't know how much they could be around.
But at the moment he wasn't alone. Even if Jack said no.
But Jack was stepping forward, reaching out to touch Carys' face. He looked down at her, fear finally being replaced, at least in part, by wonder. Ianto stood still, not wanting to startle him away.
"We have a daughter," Jack said. He glanced up suddenly, suspiciously.
"Torchwood 81 and Owen have all checked her thoroughly," Ianto said. "She's human. Completely human, yours and mine. She...doesn't seem to have any sign of your special abilities," he added.
Jack nodded, obviously relieved. "I wouldn't wish that on anybody," he said quietly. "Much less a kid."
Ianto held his tongue, wanting to ask Jack what he'd learned from the Doctor. But now was neither the time nor the place. He waited, letting Jack look at his daughter. This Jack was so different from the one who'd read her book to her, seen her at her birth. That Jack had loved her completely, been overjoyed to be a part of her life in any small way he could.
But that Jack had already known her. Already got over the shock of discovering he was a father. Ianto supposed it wasn't really fair to compare the two men.
Jack was still looking at her as Carys gave a wide yawn and opened her eyes. She looked up at Ianto, yawning again and rubbing her cheek with one fist. Ianto fought back a smug smile. "Come on," he told Jack, and walked over to the bag he'd left on the counter. He nodded at it, and Jack, bewildered, opened it. He seemed to recognise what was inside -- nappies and bottles, change of clothing -- and he looked a question at Ianto.
"A bottle," Ianto said. "She's going to start demanding food in another few minutes."
Jack nodded and pulled out an empty bottle -- then flailed, a bit, and looked over again.
"The formula-- for God's sake, Jack, haven't you ever seen baby formula before?" Ianto sighed and dumped Carys into Jack's arms, again hiding the smile at how quickly Jack took her and held her close. Ianto took out the formula -- still going through the sizable stash Jack had left for them when he'd brought them home. He suspected the formula wasn't from this century; the packaging was normal enough but the powder inside was somehow different from what he remembered Rhi having about her own flat. He wouldn't put it past Jack to provide his daughter with the best available from all of time and human history.
It only took him a few moments to get the bottle prepared, flicking the switch on the side to warm the formula precisely. A present not from the future, but from Tosh and the archives of Torchwood. When it was ready, Ianto held the bottle out to Jack.
Jack glanced at him, then took the bottle and smoothly presented it to Carys. She latched on almost instantly, settling in for her meal. Ianto watched as her eyes locked onto Jack -- and allowed himself, finally, a smug grin as Jack's eyes were firmly locked onto Carys'.
Whatever their own relationship turned out to be, at least Carys finally had her two fathers exactly where they ought to be: firmly and utterly besotted with her.
~~~
"So." Jack stood in Ianto's living room, staring towards the bedroom where Ianto had just put Carys to sleep. Jack hadn't come in, despite Ianto's invitation; Ianto knew it showed just how uncertain Jack was of his welcome.
Ianto still didn't know whether or not he wanted to make it easier for him. He knew he wanted to simply skip ahead to the part where everything was fine, where they lived together and raised their daughter like a normal couple -- as normal as one could hope for, with two men living together and Torchwood-- well, being Torchwood.
But he reminded himself that Jack had left. Hadn't even bothered to leave a message, hadn't cared if Ianto believed he would return or if Ianto had been heartbroken and destroyed.
He frowned, not willing to give any of his thoughts away, and forced himself not to react to Jack's sheepish expression.
"You said you didn't need anything," Jack finally said, shifting nervously from one foot to the other -- still wearing his coat, even, when normally he would have tossed it aside and made himself comfortable for the night.
"I don't want you to feel trapped," Ianto said. "Whatever you decide will be for you, and Carys. Not for me."
Jack flashed a look at him. "What if I want it to be for you?"
"We can't just pick up where we left off," Ianto began, and inwardly cringed. He didn't want to go back to that, at any rate. Sex and nothing more; he loved Jack too much for that.
Jack was nodding. "I know. I didn't want to do that even before I met Carys. Ianto-- I really did mean it. I want to do this properly. Even if... things have sped up a bit more than I expected. But the idea of you and me raising a daughter..." He shrugged. "Doesn't make me want to run for the hills."
It wasn't the declaration of commitment Ianto might have wanted, but he nodded. "I don't want to keep you from her, Jack. But... I don't know if... We can't just move in together and pretend everything's fine."
"I know. I wish it could be that simple, but I don't expect it. But maybe we can work towards it?" Jack gave him a look, so full of hope and hesitation and... that dark something that kept flashing in his eyes that made Ianto want to go to him and hold him tight. He still didn't know what had happened in the time Jack had been gone, but he suspected it wasn't very pretty.
"I'd like that," Ianto finally said, and was rewarded with a blinding smile from Jack. A real one, that made Jack's entire body relax.
"So we can have that date?" Jack glanced towards the bedroom. "The three of us?"
Ianto laughed. "We have our choice of baby-minders; it won't be too hard to have a date just to ourselves occasionally."
Jack shot him a surprised look. "You trust Owen to mind her?"
"I trust Tosh and Gwen to hurt him if he doesn't take very good care of her," Ianto clarified. Although to be honest, as long as dirty nappies weren't involved, Owen seemed perfectly willing to take his turn at tending to Carys. He didn't know how that would change when Carys became older -- and mobile -- but he had a feeling Carys had her Uncle Owen just as wrapped around her little finger as everyone else. Then Ianto frowned. "On the other hand, he did say something about a baby being a good way to pick up women."
"He's right, but it's a good way to pick up women who are looking for a husband, not a one-night stand." Jack gave Ianto a cheerful wink.
Ianto smiled, then stood there, feeling awkward as the conversation died again. He'd never realised how difficult it could be, spending time with Jack this way. Neither of them had made mention of having sex -- Ianto suspected it was off the menu, as it were, until everything else got sorted out. Which left them standing here, saying nothing, and Jack looking as uncertain as Ianto felt.
Before any of this, it would have been easy. Ianto would have invited Jack to stay the night, or, more likely, Jack wouldn't have waited to be asked before stripping them of their clothing. Part of Ianto wanted very much to do just that -- throw away all the questions and doubts, and just lose himself for the night.
He had a feeling Jack wouldn't hesitate, if Ianto asked. Instead, Ianto found himself glancing towards the front door, feeling the apology already forming on his lips.
But Jack just nodded. "I'll... Can I see you tomorrow?"
"Yes, of course," slipped out easily. Relieved, Ianto managed to give Jack a small smile. "I want-- You should feel free to take her whenever you like," he said. "I mean -- not just weekends or alternate Thursdays or something. I know Torchwood is unpredictable, so whenever you have time. Just ring me and let me know."
Slowly, Jack nodded. "I appreciate that."
Ianto rolled his eyes. "It's not like I want to keep you away from us. You've as much right as I have to be with her. As often as you like." He wanted to say always. He wanted to find the Jack from the future, and ask him -- had they lived together? Had they fixed things between them, or was Carys the only thing they ended up with in common?
He knew what he wanted, however, just as much as he knew he couldn't quite have it yet.
Jack suddenly looked at him with a guarded expression. "And that date? Can I have that whenever I want?"
Ianto found himself grinning. "As long as the restaurants are open, then yes."
Jack gave him a huge, delighted smile. "I know of a couple places that are open twenty-four hours."
"Restaurants which serve decent food, Jack," Ianto quickly corrected. But Jack was shaking his head.
"Nope, sorry, you said as long as the restaurants are open."
"And if I get food poisoning what makes you think I'll want to sleep with you after?"
Jack gave him a leer. "I'll have you know that on Caralaxys Five, sex is considered a cure-all."
"Even for vomiting?"
Jack nodded. "Even for vomiting."
Ianto narrowed his eyes. "I'm not sure I want to test that theory. However, it's good to know you don't mind being vomited on."
Jack frowned. "Why's that?"
Ianto smiled, and nodded towards the bedroom. "They're very good at that sort of thing." In fact, Ianto couldn't remember the last time he'd even thought about putting on a suit -- t-shirts and jeans, and a near-constant rag thrown over his shoulder. The look on Jack's face, however, said that the other man didn't seem to mind the threat of being puked on by a baby.
Ianto stepped forward, and gave Jack a light kiss on the lips. "You should go," he said, knowing that he wanted Jack to stay, and knowing that Jack would if he asked. "We'll see you tomorrow."
Jack didn't say anything, just hesitated, looking at him. His eyes were dark and unreadable. But he nodded, then turned and walked to the front door and let himself out.
~~~
"So?" Tosh glanced at him, typed a few more keystrokes, then pushed herself away from her workstation and looked at him. It was the sort of piercing, non-nonsense stare that always made Ianto wonder why she wasn't the one in charge of interrogations, rather than Gwen.
Then again, Tosh only ever seemed interested in gossip about Ianto's life. He sat down in a chair beside her and frowned. "So? I need a bit more to go on, before I can answer."
Tosh sighed, and said, enunciating her words as if Ianto had gone slow. "How are things going with you and Jack?"
He shrugged. In the weeks since Jack's return, things had not exactly returned to normal. But Ianto suspected that had less to do with Jack, and more to do with Carys and the alien-tech-induced pregnancy Ianto had been surprised with. Which, actually, was Jack's fault since Ianto hadn't exactly gotten pregnant by wanking alone in the shower. Ianto smiled, realised that he could, in fact, blame all of his life's current weirdness on Jack.
"It's going... well."
Tosh glared at him. "And?"
"And... what?" He knew there was no point in prolonging it, that Tosh would have all the answers out of him whether he wanted to say them or not. But he couldn't bring himself to just give in.
"Have you decided to forgive him, yet?"
Surprised, Ianto stared at her. He'd been expecting to be asked for details about their dates or how they were getting on raising Carys. "It... That hardly matters," he stammered, trying to mentally change gears from denying that he'd let Jack seduce him in the carpark again.
"Hardly matters?" Tosh's eyebrows went up. "Ianto! That's what all of this is about!"
"It isn't, Tosh, this is just about..." He tried to think, fumbling for the words to explain. "About how we're going to... raise Carys. Whether or not we--"
Tosh cut him off with a fierce glare. "Ianto. Everything Jack has done to earn your forgiveness, and you don't even think it matters? I'm not saying you should forgive him yet," she said quickly, when Ianto had opened his mouth to protest. "I know what he did -- leaving like that, with no warning or anything. I know how much it hurt you. I don't expect you to tell me everything is fine now. But I wasn't expecting you to act like it isn't even important." She looked at him, her anger fading into sympathy. "Jack is working so hard, Ianto. He really wants you to forgive him."
Shifting in his chair, Ianto thought about how far he'd get if he tried to simply walk away. Tosh might let him go, but she'd corner him again, eventually. "It doesn't matter if I forgive him, though, does it?" he said. "All I need is for him to be a good father to Carys."
He felt Tosh's hand touch his, and he looked at her. "That isn't all you need, and it isn't all Jack needs, either."
"I--" Ianto found himself glancing around the Hub, despite knowing the others were gone, halfway across Cardiff chasing Rift signals. He shook his head. "I don't know, Tosh. I really don't know. All I can ask for is that he be a good father. Whatever else I want of him... I still don't know if that's what he wants to give."
When Tosh didn't reply, Ianto risked a look at her. She was frowning at him, shaking her head slightly when she caught his gaze. Oddly, she didn't look sympathetic. She looked annoyed. She turned to her computer and began typing. When Ianto started to ask what she was doing -- or if he should go, and let her work, she glared at him again to stay right where he was and not say a word.
Ianto sat, obediently, and waited. Quickly, though, Tosh turned one of the screens towards him. He saw that she'll pulled up a bit of CCTV footage, recognising the carpark above them. Jack was standing there, and in the corner of the frame Ianto could just see himself. Tosh hit 'play' and the figure of himself walked away, out of the frame completely, while Jack watched him go.
The look on Jack's face was one of longing. Pain-filled, and his mouth came open as if he'd nearly said something -- perhaps something to draw him back.
"You see?" Tosh asked.
But Ianto shook his head. "He looks like that every time he has to let Carys go. I know that, which is why I keep--"
Tosh pointed at the screen, her fingertip just below the time stamp. Ianto frowned and looked at it. Last Friday evening. He'd dropped Jack off at the Hub after one of their dates. It had gone reasonably well, they'd talked a bit about Rift activity and a lot about Carys' future education at university. Jack insisted she'd study engineering, and Ianto countered that she was just as likely to study art. They'd ended the evening with a single kiss, and neither of them had said a word about spending the night together. Ianto had left Jack standing there while Jack had, apparently, watched him walk away,
Carys had been home that night, with Tosh. It had been Ianto Jack had been looking at.
Ianto realised he'd been staring for awhile, not saying a word, and he glanced at Tosh. "I didn't think... he's never said."
"Maybe he's waiting for you to give him a chance."
Ianto looked at the screen again, at the look on Jack's face. He looked, not so much like the Jack he'd known at Torchwood for the last two years, but instead more like the man who'd come to Torchwood 81, wanting so badly to hold his newborn daughter.
Ianto wondered how it was Jack had fallen in love with him, and he, who'd been wanting it so desperately, hadn't even noticed.
~~~
Ianto stood in the doorway to the kitchen, watching as Jack gave Carys her bath. He was singing to her and she was smiling and giggling, and doing a credible job of splashing as much water on Jack as she could. He stood there, not interrupting, as Jack finished her bath and got her wrapped in a hooded towel. When Jack turned and grinned at him, Ianto asked, "What's that you keep saying to her?" Jack frowned, obviously trying to think of what he'd said. "Baba," Ianto said. In-between the singing, and telling Carys she was the most gorgeous girl in the universe, he'd heard Jack say the word several times.
Now, Jack was smiling at him sheepishly. "Well, she can't call us both dad, can she? It's what I called my father." Jack was looking at Carys, now, swiping her nose with a corner of the towel and making her laugh.
"Baba?" Ianto asked, and Jack looked over, half-grinning, clearly self-conscious. He looked absolutely adorable. Ianto smiled. "I like it. And it'll be easier to say, so it'll be you she screams for in the middle of the night."
"I don't mind," Jack replied, contently. "I've been woken up in the middle of the night for a lot worse reasons." He turned back to Carys as she reached out for one of his braces, getting her hand around it and pulling. Ianto was amused as Jack made no move to stop her, even when the inevitable happened. Jack winced, and Ianto laughed at him.
Jack said to her, "Come on, you, let's get you into your pajamas and ready for bed while your tad mocks me in my pain."
"I'll kiss it better after she's asleep," Ianto offered, and got a happy leer from Jack in response. As Jack made to go past him, however, Ianto put his hand on Jack's arm to stop him. He'd been planning this conversation most of the day -- well, most of the week if he were honest. He'd meant to wait until Carys was asleep and he had Jack's attention to himself. But now, suddenly, he couldn't put it off.
Jack was looking at him now, with a slightly confused expression.
"I was thinking it's time to move into a proper house. Carys needs her own room, I need a bedroom without a crib in it," he added, smiling at Jack in what he knew would be taken as innuendo.
Innuendo was so easy with Jack, of course. Ianto could make toast for breakfast and discover he'd been flirting.
At the moment, Jack was just looking at him. His face was more or less blank, as if they were discussing the weather. But there was a flicker of something else.
Ianto tightened his fingers slightly on Jack's arm. "I was hoping you would move in us."
The look in Jack's eyes was all the answer he needed, but the kiss he got didn't hurt matters.
~~~
Epilogue
Jack walked into the house, through the front rooms and towards the back, heading for the small kitchen. He paused in the doorway, then sighed and walked up towards the centre counter and wrapped his arms around his husband's waist, tucking his chin onto his shoulder.
"She was born today," Jack said, still feeling the joy of holding her -- and missing her, dead and gone for nearly a thousand years.
"I know." His husband turned, and smirked unsympathetically at him. "I was there, you know."
Jack pouted at Ianto, letting him offer a kiss in pretend-apology. Jack settled back into holding Ianto close, now face to face, and said, "We should have another kid."
"We are not having another child just because you miss having a baby to play with," Ianto said sternly.
Jack scowled. "That's not--" Ianto just kept looking at him, and Jack tried for cute and charming. "What if I carry it this time?"
"No." Ianto tried to shift around and go back to the preparations he'd been in the midst of -- over the centuries Ianto had grown to adore cooking from scratch, learning new dishes from every new culture humans encountered. Well, the ones with compatible digestive systems, at least.
Jack hoped he'd been sticking with compatible digestive systems. Although it would explain Christmas dinner last year.
As much as Ianto had grown to adore cooking, Jack had grown to adore watching Ianto cook, and interfering with the cooking by interrupting him for sex, and stealing bits from the dishes before they were finished. He reached over to the bowl now, filled with what looked like fresh green beans. Ianto slapped his hand with the air of a man who has had a lot of practise.
"Why shouldn't we have another kid?" Jack asked, trying to sound reasonable.
Ianto gave him a look like he was insane. "Because every single child we've ever had has been a complete hellion from age fourteen to nineteen. Wonderful, amazing babies and delightful children and utter, horrible monstrosities as teenagers."
Jack grinned. "Ah, but when they grow up, they're pretty decent people. You have to admit, every single one of our kids has been a good person as an adult."
Ianto frowned. "Malika was a thief." He paused, then smiled. "She was an extremely competent thief."
"And for the time and place? Being a thief wasn't really a bad thing." Jack gave Ianto a brief hug that, very incidentally, rubbed interesting bits of Jack's against interesting bits of Ianto's. "And she was an very good thief," he added proudly.
Ianto rolled his eyes -- looking for all the universe exactly like his younger self had, shut away in the inner sanctum of Torchwood 81. Jack was relieved to be reminded just how much some things hadn't changed. "And how much of what she knew, did you teach her?" Ianto demanded.
"Only what you didn't," Jack told him, narrowing his eyes. Ianto knew perfectly well who'd been responsible for Malika's education and training -- both of them. "So if that's your only argument, why don't we ship them off to boarding school for a few years?"
"Because when we try, buildings invariably burn down, blow up, or vanish into a time loop."
Jack considered his rebuttal carefully, because Ianto was actually right. "We could ship them off with the Doctor."
"And then entire planets would burn down, blow up, or get locked into time loops," Ianto said, reasonably.
Jack frowned. "Are you sure we can't have another kid?"
For some reason, that got him a kiss on the nose. "Of course we can have another child," Ianto said, as if he hadn't just been refusing that very thing. "But not now. We're both too busy with the Harwool Institute and it wouldn't be fair to a child for us to be gone so much. I'm not hiring a nanny," he added, as if cutting off Jack's response.
Not that Jack would have seriously made it. He'd tried to suggest it before -- at least a dozen times over -- and Ianto always refused. Jack still wasn't sure exactly why, but he knew it mattered a great deal to Ianto so he never pressed the issue anymore.
"It's going to be a while before the Institute is ready to start taking test drives on their own," Jack said. "Maybe even another hundred years. Space-warp technology is so tricky, but--"
"Vital for human expansion, yes, Jack, I know." Ianto gave him a tolerant look. "I'll tell you what. One hundred years from now, we'll talk. Maybe find a place we can settle down and have another proper family. Three or four children, hire a mam's helper, and I'll sit back and pay the bills while you wrangle the little monsters." His smile told Jack how much Ianto really did like the idea, and Jack returned the smile with a leer.
"Should we start now? Make sure we know which tab goes into which slot?"
Ianto thumped him in the chest. "After lunch. You go call Colonel Davenport and let him talk your ear off and let me finish in here."
Jack nodded, and took a step towards the home office they'd set up. Jack liked being able to take care of small emergencies that cropped up without having to get dressed. He was looking forward to the 32nd century, when clothing-optional was the standard.
He stopped before he left the kitchen, and looked back at Ianto. A moment later, his husband looked up, meeting his gaze. "I am sorry," Jack said, quietly. "For leaving. For not being there."
Ianto didn't answer for a moment, then he simply nodded. "I know." His tone was full of forgiveness and love. They'd had this conversation before, most importantly when Carys had been young, when Ianto had still be uncertain of his place in Jack's life. He'd not even been certain of it when he'd accepted the Doctor's offer, allowing himself to become immortal, like Jack, so Jack wouldn't have to face eternity alone.
He'd explained, decades later, that he'd done it because even if Jack hadn't loved him, or loved him and stopped, that being alone was worse than being loved and left behind. He'd asked the Doctor if they'd regret it, coming to hate one another, or if Jack should wait and find someone else he preferred.
Ianto had explained what the Doctor had said, and the Doctor himself had repeated the same words to Jack, late in his twelfth incarnation. Jack still didn't know if that conversation had been before or after, in the Doctor's own timeline, that he'd gone to Ianto and made his offer.
"It won't matter," the Doctor had said. "Love, hate, neither. Simply knowing you're not the only one -- it's enough. When you'd happily trade an entire world to have just one other person who will see eternity with you." The Doctor had smiled at him, his face young and unlined; only his ancient eyes had showed his age.
"And if we end up resenting each other for a million years?" Jack had asked, barely two hundred years into Ianto's new immortality. Jack had fought the guilt and fear until finally the Doctor had appeared on their doorstep.
The Doctor had smiled at Jack's question. "Then for the next million years, you go back to loving each other. Eternity is a long time," he'd said. "Plenty of time for love, hate, resentment, apathy. In the end, it won't matter how you feel. It will only matter that you're both there."
Ianto had told him he'd accepted the Doctor's offer after considering it for nearly a year -- never once telling Jack about it. He'd explained that he hadn't done it because he loved Jack, or wanted to see the future, or, really, for anything grand. He'd said that he'd finally made the decision after thinking about Jack holding Carys the day she'd been born. He'd loved her so much, even centuries after she was gone -- but he hadn't ever looked at Ianto with grief in his eyes.
And he'd realised it was because Jack didn't grieve for him. Because Ianto hadn't died. He'd already chosen, so it had been easy to chose again, and when the gold light had faded and Ianto had found himself lying on the floor of the TARDIS, the Doctor had grinned down at him and said that, someday, Ianto should remember to tell Jack to duck more often, or he was going to lose everything but his head.
Thinking back on that day, when Ianto and the Doctor had told him Ianto couldn't die, Jack was struck all over again at how much he didn't deserve all the things the universe had given him. For all the good Ianto insisted he'd done, he'd done cruel, selfish things as well.
He swallowed, wishing he could go back to the other side of the city, to Torchwood 81, and find the other Ianto. Tell him that he loved him, and that the man he'd been, so long ago, had loved him as well. He knew he couldn't, and he hated thinking about just how close he'd come to losing this man out of his life. "I love you," he said, the words having grown so easy over the years.
Ianto just looked smug. "I know." He waved in the general direction of the office, and went back to chopping vegetables.
Jack got one more step out of the kitchen and turned back again. "Can we have twins?"
Ianto, for some inexplicable reason, ignored him. Jack laughed and headed to go call Davenport.
~~~
the end
Author: James
Rating: PG-15
Pairing: Jack/Ianto
Word Count: 21,900 total
Disclaimer: not mine, no profit made
Warnings: mpreg, mis-use of coffee machines.
Spoilers: AU after Season One
Summary: Jack is gone, and Ianto has discovered something very important that he needs Jack for. Will he find Jack in time, and, more importantly, what will happen when Jack does return?
Notes: Hope betad this at several stages and made me re-write more than you could possibly imagine. Anything involving coffee is her fault.
Continued from part two
~~~
Ianto adjusted the sling as it hung over his shoulder and across his back, then hitched the changing bag over his other shoulder before taking Carys out of her car-seat. He nearly patted his side to check for his holster; he'd been on leave for almost a month now and he still wasn't used to walking around without it.
He hadn't really carried a weapon that much in all the time he'd worked for Torchwood. But something about having his infant daughter against his chest made him wish he was well-armed. Ianto laughed at himself and locked up the car, then turned to walk through the carpark and to the access door. Five minutes later the cogdoor was rolling back, its loud siren not disturbing Carys in the least. He stepped through and the first thing he heard was Tosh, calling to him.
"Ianto! I'm glad you're here."
He looked over to see her at her workstation, glancing at him before returning her attention to her computer screen. Ianto hurried over. "Morning, Tosh. What's up?"
"I've been working on this program all morning and getting nowhere." She looked up at him and smiled. "I need a break."
"Ah." Ianto returned her smile, and reached into the sling and pulled out Carys. He handed her over and Tosh pushed back from her desk, cradling his daughter in her arms. He slipped the sling off, dropping it carefully on the floor beside Tosh's desk, and heard someone walk up behind him. Glancing over his shoulder, he smiled at Gwen.
"Baby break?" Gwen asked knowingly.
"Seems I've arrived just in time. How are things going, otherwise?"
"Quiet this week, which means I've just jinxed us." Gwen grinned. "Glad to see you two. How is she doing?"
"Since the last time you saw her, two days ago? She's barely changed. Not talking or walking yet," he added with a wink.
Gwen grinned, then looked apologetic. "I know you've only just got here, and technically you're on leave--"
Ianto slowly smiled. "Should I go make coffee?"
"Oh God, yes, please!" Gwen clapped her hands together, beseechingly. "Make them extra strong, keep us going through tomorrow."
"You know perfectly well drugs don't enter the bloodstream on a drip, unless you actually use a drip. Or do you plan on drinking half a cup now, half tomorrow?" Owen asked as he walked up. "We'll just be so wired we'll be bouncing off the ceiling." He gestured at the Hub's lofty airspace. "And that's saying something, down here."
"You're admitting you don't have any self-control?" Ianto asked, even as he made his way up the stairs to the landing where the coffee machine sat. Owen and Gwen followed, as if unable to wait a second longer than necessary.
Owen shook his head, proudly. "None whatsoever. Never claimed otherwise."
Ianto just rolled his eyes and set about making coffee. He was pleasantly surprised to find the counter tops and all the mugs were clean, and a glance showed the espresso machine itself was freshly wiped down. Clearly they'd planned this, knowing he was dropping by today. Well, he didn't mind rewarding such good behaviour -- the break area really was clean, almost as if they hadn't even been using it.
As he was making the first cup, he looked around the area again and frowned. "Have you been eating here at all?"
"Of course!" Owen protested. "Not like we have time to go out and grab a bag of crisps every time we want a snack."
"We cleaned yesterday," Gwen admitted. "All three of us -- even got the scrub brushes out. We didn't want you thinking we were being complete pigs while you're gone."
Ianto stared at her, realisation dawning. "My God," he said. "I really am the mam."
Gwen laughed and Owen looked like he was about to say something sarcastic -- because when was it anything else, Ianto told himself. Then the cog door began to roll open and all of them froze in place.
The alarms were going off, but just the normal yellow lights and alarm that said someone was entering -- someone who belonged there. Ianto felt his heart stop beating as Captain Jack Harkness walked through the door.
Jack saw them and grinned, a jaunty smirk that made Ianto want to go over and hit him. Hard. Jack just stood inside the door, practically posing as he asked, "Heya, kids. Miss me?"
Before Ianto could think of anything to say, Gwen was hurrying down the stairs. Setting the cup of coffee on the counter, Ianto followed more slowly, Owen moving half a step ahead. Ianto kept both of them in front of him -- needing that feeling of a protective wall between him and Jack. Owen came to a sudden halt, with Ianto nearly running him over, as Gwen reached Jack and slapped his face.
Jack blinked at her, and his grin almost faltered. "Should I get out the handcuffs?" he asked; as always it was not completely clear how much he was joking.
"Where the hell have you been?" Gwen demanded.
A dark look crossed Jack's face. "I'm sorry," he said, though he sounded more angry than penitent. "I told you once before, I was waiting for someone."
"For the right sort of doctor, yes," Gwen interrupted. "One who travels in time so why the hell did you come back now instead of three months ago?"
"Does it matter?" Jack glanced over at Owen and Ianto, but neither of them were inclined to derail Gwen's tongue-lashing. "I left. I found what I was looking for, and now I'm back."
"Oh, well, that's fine then," Owen said, sarcastically. "Let's just get on with our business then, shall we?" Ianto glanced over and wasn't entirely surprised to see the furious glare on Owen's face. Not until Owen glanced sideways at Ianto, and it dawned on him how much of that fury was for him.
Jack responded with a glare of his own, then he visibly brought himself under control. In an even tone he said, "I'm sorry I left so abruptly, but to be honest -- I've been waiting for over a hundred years for the Doctor to show up. I couldn't risk missing him." He paused, and looked from Gwen, to Owen, then to Ianto. There was something in his eyes that Ianto couldn't describe.
"So you found your answers, then," Ianto said, trying to keep his own voice steady. "Does that mean he's fixed you?"
There was a hesitation, then Jack grinned. "What's to fix? You don't mess with perfection." He shrugged slightly. "I found out what happened. He can't change it."
"So you didn't get what you wanted, and you figured might as well come back here, like nothing's happened?" Ianto wasn't surprised by the bitterness in his voice, didn't try to hide it even as Gwen looked at him with sympathy in her eyes. He shook his head slightly at her when she would have interrupted.
Jack was staring at him, though, his expression composed. "Not like nothing happened. But I had some time to think," he said casually, though the dark look didn't leave his eyes. "I realised that this is where I need to be. Where I want to be." Jack glanced at Owen and Gwen, and Ianto wondered if there weren't more he might have said, had they been alone. But then, when had Jack ever said anything other than 'take your shirt off' when they'd been alone?
Ianto preferred to stay by Owen, knowing that at least Owen wouldn't be afraid to throw a coffee mug at Jack's head if he said something really annoying. Behind him, there was the sudden rushing, rumbling noise of the milk steaming -- he'd forgotten all about the coffee cease of the background hum as the grinder finished the beans Ianto had put in it for the fresh coffee. As if in Pavlovian response to what the change in noise promised, Jack's smile widened. "Oh, I am just in time, aren't I?" He walked up, hurrying past Ianto, brushing against Ianto in an obviously suggestive manner.
Tensing, Ianto started to move away, to step around to keep Owen between them -- but he caught Jack's glance and again saw something more than the devil-may-care attitude Jack seemed to be sporting. Ianto took a hesitant step after him and felt Owen's hand touch his arm briefly. He glanced back and read the question in Owen's eyes -- did Ianto want someone to accompany him, provide coffee-mug-throwing skills. Ianto shook his head slightly and followed Jack up to the break room.
He stood back as Jack seemingly followed his nose to where Ianto had set the first cup of coffee aside, half-finished, and watched as Jack brought the mug to his face and inhaled, slowly, like a man who'd been starving for caffeine. As he took a sip, Jack looked at him over the rim of the mug, and winked. "Oh, you have no idea how good that is," he said after his first long swallow of coffee. "I've missed this."
It was on the tip of his tongue to say something about how it was Jack's fault he'd left and stayed gone. But he noticed that Jack was holding the mug tightly, fingers almost pale with the pressure of gripping the ceramic. "You're back just in time, then," he said instead. "Before the others have had their chance to finish off the supply." He gestured to the grinder.
Jack gave him a grin, then glanced over Ianto's shoulder and some of the cheer left his face. He said quietly, "So... How have you been?"
Taken slightly aback, Ianto answered honestly at first before catching himself from saying too much. "Missed you. Things have been... as well as could be expected. Under the circumstances."
Jack looked at him for a moment, clearly waiting for details, but Ianto didn't elaborate. He didn't want to reveal Carys yet, wanted to know what Jack would say without that to distract him. "So, business as usual?" Jack finally asked in a tone that was light, but with an expression that said Jack didn't quite believe him.
But Ianto nodded. "For Torchwood, yes." Which meant he wasn't lying. Jack couldn't accuse him later of lying to him.
Jack grinned, then, apparently willing to take the lack of detail to mean whatever had happened was no longer important. "Anything interesting happening today? Rift alerts, aliens in the park? UFO sightings?"
"Nothing," Ianto said, as though he'd been here himself. But Gwen had said it had been quiet, and he trusted her.
"Any chance, then, of us sneaking out for the day?" Jack lifted one eyebrow, and there was no mistaking the intent of his question.
Ianto opened his mouth-- and stopped. Of course Tosh would be delighted to mind Carys and give them some time alone. But Ianto found he didn't want to. Not yet, and not like this. He shook his head. "Not today. Sorry."
Jack stared at him, waiting, then looked surprised. "That's it? No, sorry? Come on, if the Rift isn't acting up, and nothing important is on the agenda..." His voice dropped again, into the same, sincere-sounding tone. "I've missed you."
Ianto shrugged. "I can't just drop everything because you've returned. I do have a life, you know." He glared at Jack, though there was no real heat in it. Perhaps because he desperately wanted to say yes. To spend an afternoon with Jack, to go back to his flat and just lose himself in sex and not have to think about-- Except he couldn't take Jack back to his place, not with a crib in the corner of the bedroom.
"I... I actually... wanted to talk to you about that," Jack said, looking suddenly hesitant. "While I was gone I had a lot of time to think." He gave a sort of laugh. "Nothing but time to think. And... I meant it, you know. I missed you. And I wanted to come back here, for you. I was thinking..." His gaze flickered over Ianto's shoulder again before he asked, "If you would like to go out sometime?"
Ianto stared at him. "Excuse me?"
"Movie, dinner," Jack shrugged. "Or whatever you want."
"Are you asking me out on a date?" He couldn't believe it. Of all the things he'd imagined from Jack upon his return, this had definitely not been it.
He'd dreamt about it, surely. Of having a normal relationship. But actually getting one? Had not ever been among his expectations.
"Yes," Jack said, in a quiet, determined voice. "On a date. I... want to do this properly."
Ianto felt like sitting down. Or falling over. Or, possibly, slugging Jack in the face. "Doing... this?"
"Us." Jack looked at him, gaze not wavering.
Ianto opened his mouth, and nothing came out. He closed his mouth, tried to think of something to say, and opened his mouth again. Nothing came out. A date. Doing things properly, which meant not falling into bed (or a shower, or sofa, or hallway), but... dating.
"There's a complication," Ianto said, and hated the way Jack's eyes darkened and his hesitant, open expression started to cloud over in a mask. "I'm not saying no, I'm just... There's a slight complication. Um. Not slight, actually. A very enormous complication." He thought about what he'd said, and shook his head. "Physically quite small." He realised he was starting to babble, and forced himself to shut up.
"Complication?" Jack asked, sounding like he was trying to remain calm.
Ianto looked at him, and realised he needed to say something else, first. "I do very much want to go on a date with you, Jack. And I am delighted to hear you ask. The answer is yes, actually, but... It isn't like you think." Ianto glanced over to where he could see Tosh, half-hidden behind her computer screens. "You see, I've just got back from spending several months with Torchwood 81. Something happened, here, before you left and they came back to... help me deal with the consequences."
Jack blinked, clearly taken completely by surprise. "Torchwood 81? What happened?" His eyes narrowed as he realised Ianto had been withholding important details earlier, after all. Suddenly Jack the hesitant boyfriend was replaced, clearly, by Captain Harkness, the leader of Torchwood. His stance had chanced, his voice and the way he glared at Ianto like he'd better start talking, immediately.
The attitude irritated him, as it really wasn't a matter for the leader of Torchwood but, more properly, a matter for Jack the boyfriend. But Jack didn't know that, yet. Keeping his emotions under control, Ianto replied, "We're still not sure what the device was, that did it to me--"
Jack interrupted, his voice suddenly frantic as he took hold of Ianto's arms. "What did it do? Are you all right?"
Taken aback, Ianto nodded. Jack no longer looked angry -- he only looked alarmed at the suggestion that he'd been hurt. The look in his eyes... looked like something he hadn't ever seen before from Jack. Had it never been there? Or had he somehow managed not to see it? Regardless, he could see it now and perhaps... just perhaps, it meant something.
"I'm fine," he said, and he glanced over Jack's shoulder. Tosh had got up and was walking towards them. Ianto looked back at Jack, meeting his eyes. "But it's going to be very much more than one date."
"Huh?" Jack didn't let go, just stared at Ianto in confusion, then Tosh stepped up beside them and Ianto moved out of Jack's grasp to reach over and take Carys into his arms. Tosh glanced at Jack but said nothing as she walked away, giving them some privacy. Ianto held her out to Jack, who looked utterly dumbfounded as Ianto put her into Jack's arms.
Jack stared. "What the hell is this?"
He nearly snapped back that it was a baby, but instead he said calmly, "Her name is Carys. Carys Lisa Jones-Harkness."
Jack's eyes grew wide, and his mouth dropped open. He looked down at the baby in his arms, staring in disbelief.
For a long moment Jack said nothing, and Ianto narrowed his eyes slightly. Surely Jack couldn't be this thick. "She's your daughter. Our daughter."
That brought Jack's head up, staring at him. He looked... afraid.
Ianto had to admit, he could hardly blame him. But he had rather hoped for a little bit of delight. He reached over and slipped his hands underneath Carys, pulling her out of Jack's arms. He settled her in his own embrace, getting caught, as always, staring at her for a bit before pulling himself away to look up at Jack.
"I am delighted to go out on a date with you," he repeated. "But there is more than just me you need to consider." He watched as the fear didn't seem to be fading. He hesitated, then decided to let Jack off the hook -- despite what he'd been hoping for. "I'm not asking you for anything. She was an accident, I know that. But it's only right you should know. Whatever... whatever you decide. I don't actually need anything."
Which was as untrue as he could get. Ianto needed Jack. Needed Jack to hold him, to tell him he wasn't going to ruin his daughter's life by being the worst father in history. He needed to wake up in Jack's arms, feeling safe and secure -- if not loved.
He needed to know he wasn't doing this alone, but, as he caught sight of Tosh, standing across the way with Gwen and Owen, he realised he wasn't. Not at the moment, at least. Once he had to leave Torchwood for good, he didn't know how much they could be around.
But at the moment he wasn't alone. Even if Jack said no.
But Jack was stepping forward, reaching out to touch Carys' face. He looked down at her, fear finally being replaced, at least in part, by wonder. Ianto stood still, not wanting to startle him away.
"We have a daughter," Jack said. He glanced up suddenly, suspiciously.
"Torchwood 81 and Owen have all checked her thoroughly," Ianto said. "She's human. Completely human, yours and mine. She...doesn't seem to have any sign of your special abilities," he added.
Jack nodded, obviously relieved. "I wouldn't wish that on anybody," he said quietly. "Much less a kid."
Ianto held his tongue, wanting to ask Jack what he'd learned from the Doctor. But now was neither the time nor the place. He waited, letting Jack look at his daughter. This Jack was so different from the one who'd read her book to her, seen her at her birth. That Jack had loved her completely, been overjoyed to be a part of her life in any small way he could.
But that Jack had already known her. Already got over the shock of discovering he was a father. Ianto supposed it wasn't really fair to compare the two men.
Jack was still looking at her as Carys gave a wide yawn and opened her eyes. She looked up at Ianto, yawning again and rubbing her cheek with one fist. Ianto fought back a smug smile. "Come on," he told Jack, and walked over to the bag he'd left on the counter. He nodded at it, and Jack, bewildered, opened it. He seemed to recognise what was inside -- nappies and bottles, change of clothing -- and he looked a question at Ianto.
"A bottle," Ianto said. "She's going to start demanding food in another few minutes."
Jack nodded and pulled out an empty bottle -- then flailed, a bit, and looked over again.
"The formula-- for God's sake, Jack, haven't you ever seen baby formula before?" Ianto sighed and dumped Carys into Jack's arms, again hiding the smile at how quickly Jack took her and held her close. Ianto took out the formula -- still going through the sizable stash Jack had left for them when he'd brought them home. He suspected the formula wasn't from this century; the packaging was normal enough but the powder inside was somehow different from what he remembered Rhi having about her own flat. He wouldn't put it past Jack to provide his daughter with the best available from all of time and human history.
It only took him a few moments to get the bottle prepared, flicking the switch on the side to warm the formula precisely. A present not from the future, but from Tosh and the archives of Torchwood. When it was ready, Ianto held the bottle out to Jack.
Jack glanced at him, then took the bottle and smoothly presented it to Carys. She latched on almost instantly, settling in for her meal. Ianto watched as her eyes locked onto Jack -- and allowed himself, finally, a smug grin as Jack's eyes were firmly locked onto Carys'.
Whatever their own relationship turned out to be, at least Carys finally had her two fathers exactly where they ought to be: firmly and utterly besotted with her.
~~~
"So." Jack stood in Ianto's living room, staring towards the bedroom where Ianto had just put Carys to sleep. Jack hadn't come in, despite Ianto's invitation; Ianto knew it showed just how uncertain Jack was of his welcome.
Ianto still didn't know whether or not he wanted to make it easier for him. He knew he wanted to simply skip ahead to the part where everything was fine, where they lived together and raised their daughter like a normal couple -- as normal as one could hope for, with two men living together and Torchwood-- well, being Torchwood.
But he reminded himself that Jack had left. Hadn't even bothered to leave a message, hadn't cared if Ianto believed he would return or if Ianto had been heartbroken and destroyed.
He frowned, not willing to give any of his thoughts away, and forced himself not to react to Jack's sheepish expression.
"You said you didn't need anything," Jack finally said, shifting nervously from one foot to the other -- still wearing his coat, even, when normally he would have tossed it aside and made himself comfortable for the night.
"I don't want you to feel trapped," Ianto said. "Whatever you decide will be for you, and Carys. Not for me."
Jack flashed a look at him. "What if I want it to be for you?"
"We can't just pick up where we left off," Ianto began, and inwardly cringed. He didn't want to go back to that, at any rate. Sex and nothing more; he loved Jack too much for that.
Jack was nodding. "I know. I didn't want to do that even before I met Carys. Ianto-- I really did mean it. I want to do this properly. Even if... things have sped up a bit more than I expected. But the idea of you and me raising a daughter..." He shrugged. "Doesn't make me want to run for the hills."
It wasn't the declaration of commitment Ianto might have wanted, but he nodded. "I don't want to keep you from her, Jack. But... I don't know if... We can't just move in together and pretend everything's fine."
"I know. I wish it could be that simple, but I don't expect it. But maybe we can work towards it?" Jack gave him a look, so full of hope and hesitation and... that dark something that kept flashing in his eyes that made Ianto want to go to him and hold him tight. He still didn't know what had happened in the time Jack had been gone, but he suspected it wasn't very pretty.
"I'd like that," Ianto finally said, and was rewarded with a blinding smile from Jack. A real one, that made Jack's entire body relax.
"So we can have that date?" Jack glanced towards the bedroom. "The three of us?"
Ianto laughed. "We have our choice of baby-minders; it won't be too hard to have a date just to ourselves occasionally."
Jack shot him a surprised look. "You trust Owen to mind her?"
"I trust Tosh and Gwen to hurt him if he doesn't take very good care of her," Ianto clarified. Although to be honest, as long as dirty nappies weren't involved, Owen seemed perfectly willing to take his turn at tending to Carys. He didn't know how that would change when Carys became older -- and mobile -- but he had a feeling Carys had her Uncle Owen just as wrapped around her little finger as everyone else. Then Ianto frowned. "On the other hand, he did say something about a baby being a good way to pick up women."
"He's right, but it's a good way to pick up women who are looking for a husband, not a one-night stand." Jack gave Ianto a cheerful wink.
Ianto smiled, then stood there, feeling awkward as the conversation died again. He'd never realised how difficult it could be, spending time with Jack this way. Neither of them had made mention of having sex -- Ianto suspected it was off the menu, as it were, until everything else got sorted out. Which left them standing here, saying nothing, and Jack looking as uncertain as Ianto felt.
Before any of this, it would have been easy. Ianto would have invited Jack to stay the night, or, more likely, Jack wouldn't have waited to be asked before stripping them of their clothing. Part of Ianto wanted very much to do just that -- throw away all the questions and doubts, and just lose himself for the night.
He had a feeling Jack wouldn't hesitate, if Ianto asked. Instead, Ianto found himself glancing towards the front door, feeling the apology already forming on his lips.
But Jack just nodded. "I'll... Can I see you tomorrow?"
"Yes, of course," slipped out easily. Relieved, Ianto managed to give Jack a small smile. "I want-- You should feel free to take her whenever you like," he said. "I mean -- not just weekends or alternate Thursdays or something. I know Torchwood is unpredictable, so whenever you have time. Just ring me and let me know."
Slowly, Jack nodded. "I appreciate that."
Ianto rolled his eyes. "It's not like I want to keep you away from us. You've as much right as I have to be with her. As often as you like." He wanted to say always. He wanted to find the Jack from the future, and ask him -- had they lived together? Had they fixed things between them, or was Carys the only thing they ended up with in common?
He knew what he wanted, however, just as much as he knew he couldn't quite have it yet.
Jack suddenly looked at him with a guarded expression. "And that date? Can I have that whenever I want?"
Ianto found himself grinning. "As long as the restaurants are open, then yes."
Jack gave him a huge, delighted smile. "I know of a couple places that are open twenty-four hours."
"Restaurants which serve decent food, Jack," Ianto quickly corrected. But Jack was shaking his head.
"Nope, sorry, you said as long as the restaurants are open."
"And if I get food poisoning what makes you think I'll want to sleep with you after?"
Jack gave him a leer. "I'll have you know that on Caralaxys Five, sex is considered a cure-all."
"Even for vomiting?"
Jack nodded. "Even for vomiting."
Ianto narrowed his eyes. "I'm not sure I want to test that theory. However, it's good to know you don't mind being vomited on."
Jack frowned. "Why's that?"
Ianto smiled, and nodded towards the bedroom. "They're very good at that sort of thing." In fact, Ianto couldn't remember the last time he'd even thought about putting on a suit -- t-shirts and jeans, and a near-constant rag thrown over his shoulder. The look on Jack's face, however, said that the other man didn't seem to mind the threat of being puked on by a baby.
Ianto stepped forward, and gave Jack a light kiss on the lips. "You should go," he said, knowing that he wanted Jack to stay, and knowing that Jack would if he asked. "We'll see you tomorrow."
Jack didn't say anything, just hesitated, looking at him. His eyes were dark and unreadable. But he nodded, then turned and walked to the front door and let himself out.
~~~
"So?" Tosh glanced at him, typed a few more keystrokes, then pushed herself away from her workstation and looked at him. It was the sort of piercing, non-nonsense stare that always made Ianto wonder why she wasn't the one in charge of interrogations, rather than Gwen.
Then again, Tosh only ever seemed interested in gossip about Ianto's life. He sat down in a chair beside her and frowned. "So? I need a bit more to go on, before I can answer."
Tosh sighed, and said, enunciating her words as if Ianto had gone slow. "How are things going with you and Jack?"
He shrugged. In the weeks since Jack's return, things had not exactly returned to normal. But Ianto suspected that had less to do with Jack, and more to do with Carys and the alien-tech-induced pregnancy Ianto had been surprised with. Which, actually, was Jack's fault since Ianto hadn't exactly gotten pregnant by wanking alone in the shower. Ianto smiled, realised that he could, in fact, blame all of his life's current weirdness on Jack.
"It's going... well."
Tosh glared at him. "And?"
"And... what?" He knew there was no point in prolonging it, that Tosh would have all the answers out of him whether he wanted to say them or not. But he couldn't bring himself to just give in.
"Have you decided to forgive him, yet?"
Surprised, Ianto stared at her. He'd been expecting to be asked for details about their dates or how they were getting on raising Carys. "It... That hardly matters," he stammered, trying to mentally change gears from denying that he'd let Jack seduce him in the carpark again.
"Hardly matters?" Tosh's eyebrows went up. "Ianto! That's what all of this is about!"
"It isn't, Tosh, this is just about..." He tried to think, fumbling for the words to explain. "About how we're going to... raise Carys. Whether or not we--"
Tosh cut him off with a fierce glare. "Ianto. Everything Jack has done to earn your forgiveness, and you don't even think it matters? I'm not saying you should forgive him yet," she said quickly, when Ianto had opened his mouth to protest. "I know what he did -- leaving like that, with no warning or anything. I know how much it hurt you. I don't expect you to tell me everything is fine now. But I wasn't expecting you to act like it isn't even important." She looked at him, her anger fading into sympathy. "Jack is working so hard, Ianto. He really wants you to forgive him."
Shifting in his chair, Ianto thought about how far he'd get if he tried to simply walk away. Tosh might let him go, but she'd corner him again, eventually. "It doesn't matter if I forgive him, though, does it?" he said. "All I need is for him to be a good father to Carys."
He felt Tosh's hand touch his, and he looked at her. "That isn't all you need, and it isn't all Jack needs, either."
"I--" Ianto found himself glancing around the Hub, despite knowing the others were gone, halfway across Cardiff chasing Rift signals. He shook his head. "I don't know, Tosh. I really don't know. All I can ask for is that he be a good father. Whatever else I want of him... I still don't know if that's what he wants to give."
When Tosh didn't reply, Ianto risked a look at her. She was frowning at him, shaking her head slightly when she caught his gaze. Oddly, she didn't look sympathetic. She looked annoyed. She turned to her computer and began typing. When Ianto started to ask what she was doing -- or if he should go, and let her work, she glared at him again to stay right where he was and not say a word.
Ianto sat, obediently, and waited. Quickly, though, Tosh turned one of the screens towards him. He saw that she'll pulled up a bit of CCTV footage, recognising the carpark above them. Jack was standing there, and in the corner of the frame Ianto could just see himself. Tosh hit 'play' and the figure of himself walked away, out of the frame completely, while Jack watched him go.
The look on Jack's face was one of longing. Pain-filled, and his mouth came open as if he'd nearly said something -- perhaps something to draw him back.
"You see?" Tosh asked.
But Ianto shook his head. "He looks like that every time he has to let Carys go. I know that, which is why I keep--"
Tosh pointed at the screen, her fingertip just below the time stamp. Ianto frowned and looked at it. Last Friday evening. He'd dropped Jack off at the Hub after one of their dates. It had gone reasonably well, they'd talked a bit about Rift activity and a lot about Carys' future education at university. Jack insisted she'd study engineering, and Ianto countered that she was just as likely to study art. They'd ended the evening with a single kiss, and neither of them had said a word about spending the night together. Ianto had left Jack standing there while Jack had, apparently, watched him walk away,
Carys had been home that night, with Tosh. It had been Ianto Jack had been looking at.
Ianto realised he'd been staring for awhile, not saying a word, and he glanced at Tosh. "I didn't think... he's never said."
"Maybe he's waiting for you to give him a chance."
Ianto looked at the screen again, at the look on Jack's face. He looked, not so much like the Jack he'd known at Torchwood for the last two years, but instead more like the man who'd come to Torchwood 81, wanting so badly to hold his newborn daughter.
Ianto wondered how it was Jack had fallen in love with him, and he, who'd been wanting it so desperately, hadn't even noticed.
~~~
Ianto stood in the doorway to the kitchen, watching as Jack gave Carys her bath. He was singing to her and she was smiling and giggling, and doing a credible job of splashing as much water on Jack as she could. He stood there, not interrupting, as Jack finished her bath and got her wrapped in a hooded towel. When Jack turned and grinned at him, Ianto asked, "What's that you keep saying to her?" Jack frowned, obviously trying to think of what he'd said. "Baba," Ianto said. In-between the singing, and telling Carys she was the most gorgeous girl in the universe, he'd heard Jack say the word several times.
Now, Jack was smiling at him sheepishly. "Well, she can't call us both dad, can she? It's what I called my father." Jack was looking at Carys, now, swiping her nose with a corner of the towel and making her laugh.
"Baba?" Ianto asked, and Jack looked over, half-grinning, clearly self-conscious. He looked absolutely adorable. Ianto smiled. "I like it. And it'll be easier to say, so it'll be you she screams for in the middle of the night."
"I don't mind," Jack replied, contently. "I've been woken up in the middle of the night for a lot worse reasons." He turned back to Carys as she reached out for one of his braces, getting her hand around it and pulling. Ianto was amused as Jack made no move to stop her, even when the inevitable happened. Jack winced, and Ianto laughed at him.
Jack said to her, "Come on, you, let's get you into your pajamas and ready for bed while your tad mocks me in my pain."
"I'll kiss it better after she's asleep," Ianto offered, and got a happy leer from Jack in response. As Jack made to go past him, however, Ianto put his hand on Jack's arm to stop him. He'd been planning this conversation most of the day -- well, most of the week if he were honest. He'd meant to wait until Carys was asleep and he had Jack's attention to himself. But now, suddenly, he couldn't put it off.
Jack was looking at him now, with a slightly confused expression.
"I was thinking it's time to move into a proper house. Carys needs her own room, I need a bedroom without a crib in it," he added, smiling at Jack in what he knew would be taken as innuendo.
Innuendo was so easy with Jack, of course. Ianto could make toast for breakfast and discover he'd been flirting.
At the moment, Jack was just looking at him. His face was more or less blank, as if they were discussing the weather. But there was a flicker of something else.
Ianto tightened his fingers slightly on Jack's arm. "I was hoping you would move in us."
The look in Jack's eyes was all the answer he needed, but the kiss he got didn't hurt matters.
~~~
Epilogue
Jack walked into the house, through the front rooms and towards the back, heading for the small kitchen. He paused in the doorway, then sighed and walked up towards the centre counter and wrapped his arms around his husband's waist, tucking his chin onto his shoulder.
"She was born today," Jack said, still feeling the joy of holding her -- and missing her, dead and gone for nearly a thousand years.
"I know." His husband turned, and smirked unsympathetically at him. "I was there, you know."
Jack pouted at Ianto, letting him offer a kiss in pretend-apology. Jack settled back into holding Ianto close, now face to face, and said, "We should have another kid."
"We are not having another child just because you miss having a baby to play with," Ianto said sternly.
Jack scowled. "That's not--" Ianto just kept looking at him, and Jack tried for cute and charming. "What if I carry it this time?"
"No." Ianto tried to shift around and go back to the preparations he'd been in the midst of -- over the centuries Ianto had grown to adore cooking from scratch, learning new dishes from every new culture humans encountered. Well, the ones with compatible digestive systems, at least.
Jack hoped he'd been sticking with compatible digestive systems. Although it would explain Christmas dinner last year.
As much as Ianto had grown to adore cooking, Jack had grown to adore watching Ianto cook, and interfering with the cooking by interrupting him for sex, and stealing bits from the dishes before they were finished. He reached over to the bowl now, filled with what looked like fresh green beans. Ianto slapped his hand with the air of a man who has had a lot of practise.
"Why shouldn't we have another kid?" Jack asked, trying to sound reasonable.
Ianto gave him a look like he was insane. "Because every single child we've ever had has been a complete hellion from age fourteen to nineteen. Wonderful, amazing babies and delightful children and utter, horrible monstrosities as teenagers."
Jack grinned. "Ah, but when they grow up, they're pretty decent people. You have to admit, every single one of our kids has been a good person as an adult."
Ianto frowned. "Malika was a thief." He paused, then smiled. "She was an extremely competent thief."
"And for the time and place? Being a thief wasn't really a bad thing." Jack gave Ianto a brief hug that, very incidentally, rubbed interesting bits of Jack's against interesting bits of Ianto's. "And she was an very good thief," he added proudly.
Ianto rolled his eyes -- looking for all the universe exactly like his younger self had, shut away in the inner sanctum of Torchwood 81. Jack was relieved to be reminded just how much some things hadn't changed. "And how much of what she knew, did you teach her?" Ianto demanded.
"Only what you didn't," Jack told him, narrowing his eyes. Ianto knew perfectly well who'd been responsible for Malika's education and training -- both of them. "So if that's your only argument, why don't we ship them off to boarding school for a few years?"
"Because when we try, buildings invariably burn down, blow up, or vanish into a time loop."
Jack considered his rebuttal carefully, because Ianto was actually right. "We could ship them off with the Doctor."
"And then entire planets would burn down, blow up, or get locked into time loops," Ianto said, reasonably.
Jack frowned. "Are you sure we can't have another kid?"
For some reason, that got him a kiss on the nose. "Of course we can have another child," Ianto said, as if he hadn't just been refusing that very thing. "But not now. We're both too busy with the Harwool Institute and it wouldn't be fair to a child for us to be gone so much. I'm not hiring a nanny," he added, as if cutting off Jack's response.
Not that Jack would have seriously made it. He'd tried to suggest it before -- at least a dozen times over -- and Ianto always refused. Jack still wasn't sure exactly why, but he knew it mattered a great deal to Ianto so he never pressed the issue anymore.
"It's going to be a while before the Institute is ready to start taking test drives on their own," Jack said. "Maybe even another hundred years. Space-warp technology is so tricky, but--"
"Vital for human expansion, yes, Jack, I know." Ianto gave him a tolerant look. "I'll tell you what. One hundred years from now, we'll talk. Maybe find a place we can settle down and have another proper family. Three or four children, hire a mam's helper, and I'll sit back and pay the bills while you wrangle the little monsters." His smile told Jack how much Ianto really did like the idea, and Jack returned the smile with a leer.
"Should we start now? Make sure we know which tab goes into which slot?"
Ianto thumped him in the chest. "After lunch. You go call Colonel Davenport and let him talk your ear off and let me finish in here."
Jack nodded, and took a step towards the home office they'd set up. Jack liked being able to take care of small emergencies that cropped up without having to get dressed. He was looking forward to the 32nd century, when clothing-optional was the standard.
He stopped before he left the kitchen, and looked back at Ianto. A moment later, his husband looked up, meeting his gaze. "I am sorry," Jack said, quietly. "For leaving. For not being there."
Ianto didn't answer for a moment, then he simply nodded. "I know." His tone was full of forgiveness and love. They'd had this conversation before, most importantly when Carys had been young, when Ianto had still be uncertain of his place in Jack's life. He'd not even been certain of it when he'd accepted the Doctor's offer, allowing himself to become immortal, like Jack, so Jack wouldn't have to face eternity alone.
He'd explained, decades later, that he'd done it because even if Jack hadn't loved him, or loved him and stopped, that being alone was worse than being loved and left behind. He'd asked the Doctor if they'd regret it, coming to hate one another, or if Jack should wait and find someone else he preferred.
Ianto had explained what the Doctor had said, and the Doctor himself had repeated the same words to Jack, late in his twelfth incarnation. Jack still didn't know if that conversation had been before or after, in the Doctor's own timeline, that he'd gone to Ianto and made his offer.
"It won't matter," the Doctor had said. "Love, hate, neither. Simply knowing you're not the only one -- it's enough. When you'd happily trade an entire world to have just one other person who will see eternity with you." The Doctor had smiled at him, his face young and unlined; only his ancient eyes had showed his age.
"And if we end up resenting each other for a million years?" Jack had asked, barely two hundred years into Ianto's new immortality. Jack had fought the guilt and fear until finally the Doctor had appeared on their doorstep.
The Doctor had smiled at Jack's question. "Then for the next million years, you go back to loving each other. Eternity is a long time," he'd said. "Plenty of time for love, hate, resentment, apathy. In the end, it won't matter how you feel. It will only matter that you're both there."
Ianto had told him he'd accepted the Doctor's offer after considering it for nearly a year -- never once telling Jack about it. He'd explained that he hadn't done it because he loved Jack, or wanted to see the future, or, really, for anything grand. He'd said that he'd finally made the decision after thinking about Jack holding Carys the day she'd been born. He'd loved her so much, even centuries after she was gone -- but he hadn't ever looked at Ianto with grief in his eyes.
And he'd realised it was because Jack didn't grieve for him. Because Ianto hadn't died. He'd already chosen, so it had been easy to chose again, and when the gold light had faded and Ianto had found himself lying on the floor of the TARDIS, the Doctor had grinned down at him and said that, someday, Ianto should remember to tell Jack to duck more often, or he was going to lose everything but his head.
Thinking back on that day, when Ianto and the Doctor had told him Ianto couldn't die, Jack was struck all over again at how much he didn't deserve all the things the universe had given him. For all the good Ianto insisted he'd done, he'd done cruel, selfish things as well.
He swallowed, wishing he could go back to the other side of the city, to Torchwood 81, and find the other Ianto. Tell him that he loved him, and that the man he'd been, so long ago, had loved him as well. He knew he couldn't, and he hated thinking about just how close he'd come to losing this man out of his life. "I love you," he said, the words having grown so easy over the years.
Ianto just looked smug. "I know." He waved in the general direction of the office, and went back to chopping vegetables.
Jack got one more step out of the kitchen and turned back again. "Can we have twins?"
Ianto, for some inexplicable reason, ignored him. Jack laughed and headed to go call Davenport.
~~~
the end