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gilascaveTitle: Heart's Desire VII: The Way Home 7/7
Authors: Wolfling (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
wolfling) and James (zortified)
Sequel: to Heart's Desire VI: Seeing Through Different Eyes
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 41,800 (story total)
Disclaimer: not ours, no profit made
Spoilers: none
Warnings: angst, smut, hugging.
Summary: The Winchesters hunt a ghost, while Dean's ghosts hunt him.
Notes: As always, we'd like to thankwesleysgirl for the awesome beta job. We'd also like to thank Hansen's, Diet Rite, and Pepsi for their diet sodas that zortified can drink without getting dizzy. Caffeine makes the world go 'round, people!
The entire series can be found in Gila's Cave and Wolfling's Den.
Continued from Chapter Six
They made it ten minutes past the edge of town before they'd stopped. Two quick blow jobs later they'd been back on the highway, Dean singing along with Pantera. Sam had leaned back and enjoyed the music, keeping a close eye on his brother's energy level. It had started to flag about an hour and a half later, but Dean had stubbornly refused to say anything until Sam finally came right out and asked.
"Pull over at the next rest stop," Sam said with world weary patience, "and I'll take over."
"Sam, I'm fine," came the not-wholly-unexpected reply. Dean visibly focused his attention on the road again, which only further proved that if he had to, then he needed to take a break.
"And I'd like you to stay that way," Sam shot back smoothly. "And me as well. And the car too. You wouldn't let me drive if I was having to concentrate as hard as you're having to do."
"I'm not having a hard time concentrating," Dean replied, but he sounded sullen, rather than convincing.
"Yeah, sure," Sam said, snorting in disbelief. Apparently he was going to have to bring out the big guns. "If you don't pull over, I'm not going to have sex with you for a week."
There was a snort. "As if you could hold out that long." But as they passed the sign which listed the rest stop in a half-mile, Sam noticed that Dean began to slow down. When he took the exit, he gave Sam a glare. "I'm not tired, I just need to take a piss."
"Of course," Sam said, not bothering to try and sound like he actually believed Dean. His brother flipped him off as he pulled into the rest stop, then after he parked, Sam watched as Dean got out and headed towards the restrooms.
Sam grinned as he watched his stubborn brother's retreating form and then slid over into the driver's seat.
It wasn't very long before Dean was heading back to the car. He headed towards the passenger side of the car, scowling mildly.
"Are you going to sulk the rest of the way home?" Sam asked curiously.
"I'm not sulking."
"Pouting?"
"Do you ever want another blow job in your life?"
It was Sam's turn to snort. "Yeah, like that's a real threat."
"You don't think I could stop giving you blowjobs?" Dean asked, and his tone was pure challenge -- as though he wasn't saying something completely absurd.
"No, I don't think you could stop giving me blowjobs," Sam said with a smirk. "I know you can't stop giving me blowjobs."
Dean raised an eyebrow at him and asked, "You don't think I could stop sucking your dick into my mouth? Pulling the tip of your cock over my lips real slow, letting you fuck my mouth?"
Sam swallowed, trying to ignore the mental pictures Dean's words were inspiring. "I think you don't think you could, either."
"You really think I couldn't give up the taste of your precum, the way your cock hits the back of my tongue when you fuck my mouth hard, or the way I fucking swallow you whole when you finally shoot off and I swallow every last drop?"
Sam's jeans were beginning to get tight. "Dean?"
"Yeah?" How he made that one syllable so sultry, Sam didn't know.
Unable and unwilling to resist, Sam slid across the seat and kissed Dean, pressing up against him. Dean didn't even pretend to hesitate, opening his mouth as soon as Sam's lips touched his. His arms came around him, and it was so much nicer than the urgent sex they'd had as soon as they'd got free of Clayton.
Then Dean nudged him back.
Sam obediently pulled back, but gave Dean his best puppy look. "What?"
The corner of his brother's mouth quirked up, and he pointed. "You wanna move the car?" There weren't a lot of other cars parked at the rest stop, but they were rather front and center to the main rest area. Dean was pointing to an area somewhat more secluded.
"Right," Sam said, but couldn't resist leaning in for one more quick kiss before sliding back over behind the wheel and moving the car.
"Or we could put out a hat for tips," Dean said, leaning back in his seat, letting his legs fall open. His erection was clearly obvious, pressed against his jeans. As Sam watched, Dean stroked his thumb down the edge of his cock.
Sam felt a surge of gratitude and love -- along with horniness -- as he looked at his brother. After the days of seeing him so sick, it felt like a gift to see him like this. "I'm really really glad you're better," he said, heartfelt.
"Because my cock-tease wasn't so good, before?" Dean made a face.
"Pale and feverish isn't your best look," Sam told him, making his voice apologetic. He pulled the car into the secluded spot that Dean had pointed out.
Dean gave him a pout. "I didn't still look hot?"
"Frankly, you made me want to feed you chicken soup more than you made me want to fuck you," Sam said, using the same apologetic tone.
Dean looked at him for a moment, then made a face. "I don't think I want to hear about your kinks right now."
Sam laughed; it was such a Dean thing to say. "Not a kink," he assured him. "Just... wanting to take care of you. You should understand," he said, turning in the seat to face his brother. "You've been taking care of me all my life."
"Sam, we pulled over here so I could suck your cock, and you want to talk about chicken soup and all the times you had a cold when you were a baby. Do we see a disconnect, here?" Dean was smiling, though, like thinking about taking care of Sam wasn't a bad thing at all.
"Hey, you're the one who wanted to know what you looked like when you were sick," Sam said with a shrug, sliding closer across the seat. "You looked like I needed to take care of you."
"Yeah, well, you did a good job. From what I can remember." Dean smiled, looking a little self-conscious. Then he looked confused. "Did Dad really--?"
"Did Dad really what?" Sam asked, fitting himself against his brother's side like he belonged there.
"This," Dean said, giving Sam a slight squeeze. "Every time I woke up either you or Dad were there." He sounded a bit freaked, but not exactly in a bad way.
"We were worried," Sam said, remembering how looking at how sick Dean was had made his stomach clench so badly he could barely eat any more than Dean could. "Your fever was pretty high. And then with the..." He hesitated over choosing the proper word, gesturing vaguely, "y'know... flashback nightmares you were having..." He swallowed and continued on in a quieter voice. "I didn't want you to wake up alone."
He felt a kiss pressed against his temple. "It was nice," Dean said quietly. There was a pause then, in a don't-hit-me tone of innocence he added, "I'm sorry if I end up giving you the flu."
Sam snuggled closer. "You better not. Or you'll be doing my homework."
"I'm not sure I could." There was that tone again which Sam had heard every so often when Dean talked about his school.
"Sure you could," Sam said with deliberate casualness, pressing his face against Dean's neck. "Turnabout's fair play -- you want me to help you with yours, you gotta help me with mine."
"Yours is a little more advanced," Dean said, but his hand slid around Sam's waist, promisingly.
"You'll get there," Sam assured him with absolute conviction. He let his mouth slide up a bit higher so he could whisper directly in his brother's ear, "You can do anything you want to."
He felt Dean shiver. "What if I want to never blow you again if you keep stealing my car keys?"
Sam chuckled and nipped at Dean's earlobe. "You don't want that," he said assuredly.
"I want you to stop stealing my car keys," Dean assured him, even as he moved around to give Sam better access. "Why I got you your own key." He slipped his hand under Sam's shirt, fingers brushing his lower back.
"Because you love me." Sam hummed in pleasure at his brother's touch.
Dean's response to that was to kiss him, pulling him close and holding on like he didn't ever intend to let go. Which was just fine with Sam. There was no place he'd rather be than with his brother and he thanked whatever force had given him those flashes of the way things could've been that he'd realised it before he'd done something irreparable.
Any more thoughts of a philosophical nature were waylaid as his brother's hand moved down inside Sam's jeans to cup his ass, even as his tongue slipped inside Sam's mouth.
Sam groaned as he sucked on Dean's tongue and tried to move even closer to his brother. He thought about straddling Dean, but the last time he'd tried that in the car, he'd hit his head on the ceiling hard enough that he'd seen stars. Dean seemed to be trying to help, shifting to make room every time Sam tried to get on top of him. Finally Dean broke off from kissing him and gave him a flat look. "If you were just about five inches shorter, this would work."
Sam rolled his eyes. "Yeah, because that's helpful." He paused and then suggested, "Backseat?"
"Or we can drive for fourteen hours, hard and frustrated."
Sam snorted. "I'm against that option."
"Yeah, I thought you would be." Dean opened the door and scooted backwards, out of the car. He glanced around like he was casing the area before moving back enough that Sam could get out as well. Grinning, Sam slid all the way across the seat and out the passenger door. Dean continued standing between Sam and the rest area, blocking the way as though Sam were already naked, or he expected the cops to show up.
Sam laughed. "Is there something you don't want people to see?" he asked, laying a hand against Dean's chest.
Dean actually looked slightly startled. "What?" Then he seemed to realise what Sam was talking about and just scowled. "Get in," he ordered, gesturing at the rear passenger door. Still laughing, Sam opened the car door and climbed into the back seat. Dean crawled in after him, and on top of him, still scowling mildly. He tugged at Sam's jeans.
"You know you could look a little happier," Sam pointed out. "Considering you're going to suck my dick and all."
Dean suddenly grinned. "Who said I was going to suck your dick?" He was getting Sam's jeans unbuttoned, and tugging on the zipper as he spoke.
"You did," Sam pointed out, helpfully wriggling his hips.
"No, I said I wasn't going to suck your dick." Dean scooted forward a little, and reached back to swing the car door closed. It was still cramped, but at least it wasn't going to be impossible. Then Dean reached for Sam again and tugged down the zipper of his jeans.
"Yeah, but you weren't serious," Sam said with complete confidence, and wriggled again enticingly.
His brother stopped, gave him a look that Sam knew all too well, then said, "You think so?" Dean started pulling Sam's jeans down, nudging for Sam to lift up until he got them down around Sam's hips.
"Dean, you said you would never give me a blowjob again," Sam pointed out, obediently lifting up his hips. "You don't have that kind of willpower when it comes to me."
For a moment Dean's eyes darkened. He opened his mouth, but then shook his head and turned his attention to getting Sam's underwear out of his way.
"You don't think so?" Sam asked.
"If I blow you now, can we not have this conversation?"
That wasn't the answer Sam was expecting. He frowned up at his brother, the build-up of arousal backing off in his concern. "Okay, spill. What's wrong?"
"Fucking hell," Dean muttered, sitting back on his heels and rolling his eyes. Then he glared. "I had fucking willpower for four fucking years. Is that not enough for you?"
Sam considered himself an expert of deciphering Dean, and had got even better at it after he started having those vision flashes, but he still his brother could blindside him. "What?"
For a moment it seemed like Dean was going to answer, then he folded his arms. "Never mind. Come on, I'm fucking driving." He started to scoot back out of the car.
Sam lunged up and grabbed onto Dean's arm, holding him in place. "Not until I figure out what just happened here. Come on Dean, talk to me."
Dean gave him another angry glare, but he said, "I fucking avoided sucking your dick for four years; you don't think I can keep myself from touching you when I want?"
Sam stared at him as he realised what his brother was talking about -- the years he'd spent wanting Sam, and not being free to have him. "Dean," he said softly, tugging on his brother's arm, trying to pull him closer, "that's a completely different situation."
"Because you finally gave in?" Dean stared at him, eyes showing what his flat voice didn't.
"Come here." Sitting up more fully, Sam tugged harder until Dean was close enough for him to pull into his arms.
"The hell are you doing?" Dean protested, but he let himself be manhandled into position.
"What does it look like?" Sam asked. And hoped Dean didn't answer, Making sure I can't run away.
"I think you're trying to keep me from driving," Dean answered, but he didn't sound as angry as he had a moment ago. He fidgeted once, then settled into Sam's hold.
Sam smiled and pressed a kiss to Dean's cheek. "Well, that too."
His brother made a noise that was a mix of grumpy contentment. But he stayed where Sam held him, and Sam could feel him relaxing.
When he was fairly sure that Dean wasn't going to try and bolt immediately, Sam finally answered his question. "Those four years are different because you were waiting for me to be ready and to realise what I really wanted."
"I thought I was waiting for your testicles to drop." Dean gave a sort of laugh. "Sam, I wasn't waiting for you. I was...trying not to.... I was trying to stop. And when I couldn't figure out how to stop I...hoped I could just learn to live with how I felt. Hoped you wouldn't find out and--"
Sam stopped him with another kiss. His brother kissed him back, willingly, almost eagerly. When he pulled back he held Dean's gaze and said, "This? You and I? It's always been meant to be. You just got there first." He smiled slightly. "But I caught up."
"How can you say that?" his brother asked. "And don't tell me you saw it all in a vision. You can't...know that.... What if it wasn't real?"
"Dean, nothing has felt more real to me than this," Sam said, willing his brother to really hear him.
"Maybe you're just crazy," Dean said, and it was clear he was trying to make it into a joke. But Dean was still leaning against him, not making any attempt to get away.
"Nah," Sam said with a grin.
"You like Alanis Morrisette," Dean accused.
"I'm not in love with Alanis Morrisette," Sam replied.
"You listen to her music," Dean said. "That means you're crazy." He felt his brother tense, suddenly, then relax -- as though it had taken that long for Sam's declaration to register.
"I'm not crazy," Sam said patiently, raising a hand to rub at the back of Dean's neck.
His brother stayed still for a moment, then Dean's head came down, resting on Sam's shoulder. "Love you even if you were," he said quietly.
"And that," Sam said, voice soft, "is why I know this is real."
"But--" Dean stopped himself and fell silent. Sam could tell he wasn't even wrestling with what he'd started to say, had just decided not to say anything at all.
"But what?"
Dean sighed, like he'd expected the question but still wished that Sam had left it alone. But he said, "I'd still love you. Even if... this wasn't right."
"So would I," Sam replied without hesitation.
Dean didn't answer, and Sam just let him have some time for that to sink in. They lay along the backseat of the car, Sam partly up against the door. It was cramped and not wholly comfortable, but Sam had no intention of moving.
His brother finally asked, "Sam? Are you doing...any of this because I want it? I mean, not because you want it?"
"What?" Sam pulled back enough to stare at his brother.
"I mean.. you say stuff like that and it sounds like.. you just want this like I do. But... if I ever... If you did anything because I wanted you to, and not because it was what you wanted...." Dean trailed off as he realised he wasn't making any more sense than he had the first time. He moved forward, resting his head on Sam again -- possibly to hide his face, Sam thought. "Sam, if there's something you'd rather have that isn't-- Don't be with me because you think you have to," he finally said, in a whisper.
Sam was frozen for a moment; he was so shocked that Dean thought... "No," he said, tightening his arms around his brother. "Dean, I want this. It's -- you -- are the most important thing in my life. Nothing else comes close."
He felt Dean nod, and could feel him relaxing again; if not fully, then at least Dean didn't feel like he was ready to run -- or braced for a blow. "I just needed to make sure," he said quietly.
"How long have you been worrying about this?" Sam asked, rubbing Dean's back comfortingly.
"Since you kissed me last spring?" Dean raised his head, looking at Sam like he was an idiot.
"That's what I was afraid of." He poked Dean hard in the side. "Next time, ask instead of angsting about it for months. I'm supposed to be the moody one, not you."
"I wasn't--" his brother began, in a defensive tone. Then he stopped and took a deep breath. As he let it out, he seemed to collapse. "I didn't want to lose you."
"Idiot," Sam said fondly, hugging him tighter. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Yeah." Dean pushed his hand underneath Sam's back, awkwardly but determined. He turned his head slightly, placing a kiss on Sam's chest, then he put his head down once more, closing his eyes. When it felt like he might say something more, instead his brother just breathed deeply and stayed quiet.
It wasn't too long before Dean's breathing let Sam know his brother had fallen asleep. Sam put his own head back and sighed, holding onto Dean tightly.
They could spare a few hours before getting back on the road. Some things were more important than keeping to a schedule.
the end
Authors: Wolfling (
wolfling) and James (zortified)Sequel: to Heart's Desire VI: Seeing Through Different Eyes
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 41,800 (story total)
Disclaimer: not ours, no profit made
Spoilers: none
Warnings: angst, smut, hugging.
Summary: The Winchesters hunt a ghost, while Dean's ghosts hunt him.
Notes: As always, we'd like to thank
wesleysgirl for the awesome beta job. We'd also like to thank Hansen's, Diet Rite, and Pepsi for their diet sodas that zortified can drink without getting dizzy. Caffeine makes the world go 'round, people!The entire series can be found in Gila's Cave and Wolfling's Den.
Continued from Chapter Six
They made it ten minutes past the edge of town before they'd stopped. Two quick blow jobs later they'd been back on the highway, Dean singing along with Pantera. Sam had leaned back and enjoyed the music, keeping a close eye on his brother's energy level. It had started to flag about an hour and a half later, but Dean had stubbornly refused to say anything until Sam finally came right out and asked.
"Pull over at the next rest stop," Sam said with world weary patience, "and I'll take over."
"Sam, I'm fine," came the not-wholly-unexpected reply. Dean visibly focused his attention on the road again, which only further proved that if he had to, then he needed to take a break.
"And I'd like you to stay that way," Sam shot back smoothly. "And me as well. And the car too. You wouldn't let me drive if I was having to concentrate as hard as you're having to do."
"I'm not having a hard time concentrating," Dean replied, but he sounded sullen, rather than convincing.
"Yeah, sure," Sam said, snorting in disbelief. Apparently he was going to have to bring out the big guns. "If you don't pull over, I'm not going to have sex with you for a week."
There was a snort. "As if you could hold out that long." But as they passed the sign which listed the rest stop in a half-mile, Sam noticed that Dean began to slow down. When he took the exit, he gave Sam a glare. "I'm not tired, I just need to take a piss."
"Of course," Sam said, not bothering to try and sound like he actually believed Dean. His brother flipped him off as he pulled into the rest stop, then after he parked, Sam watched as Dean got out and headed towards the restrooms.
Sam grinned as he watched his stubborn brother's retreating form and then slid over into the driver's seat.
It wasn't very long before Dean was heading back to the car. He headed towards the passenger side of the car, scowling mildly.
"Are you going to sulk the rest of the way home?" Sam asked curiously.
"I'm not sulking."
"Pouting?"
"Do you ever want another blow job in your life?"
It was Sam's turn to snort. "Yeah, like that's a real threat."
"You don't think I could stop giving you blowjobs?" Dean asked, and his tone was pure challenge -- as though he wasn't saying something completely absurd.
"No, I don't think you could stop giving me blowjobs," Sam said with a smirk. "I know you can't stop giving me blowjobs."
Dean raised an eyebrow at him and asked, "You don't think I could stop sucking your dick into my mouth? Pulling the tip of your cock over my lips real slow, letting you fuck my mouth?"
Sam swallowed, trying to ignore the mental pictures Dean's words were inspiring. "I think you don't think you could, either."
"You really think I couldn't give up the taste of your precum, the way your cock hits the back of my tongue when you fuck my mouth hard, or the way I fucking swallow you whole when you finally shoot off and I swallow every last drop?"
Sam's jeans were beginning to get tight. "Dean?"
"Yeah?" How he made that one syllable so sultry, Sam didn't know.
Unable and unwilling to resist, Sam slid across the seat and kissed Dean, pressing up against him. Dean didn't even pretend to hesitate, opening his mouth as soon as Sam's lips touched his. His arms came around him, and it was so much nicer than the urgent sex they'd had as soon as they'd got free of Clayton.
Then Dean nudged him back.
Sam obediently pulled back, but gave Dean his best puppy look. "What?"
The corner of his brother's mouth quirked up, and he pointed. "You wanna move the car?" There weren't a lot of other cars parked at the rest stop, but they were rather front and center to the main rest area. Dean was pointing to an area somewhat more secluded.
"Right," Sam said, but couldn't resist leaning in for one more quick kiss before sliding back over behind the wheel and moving the car.
"Or we could put out a hat for tips," Dean said, leaning back in his seat, letting his legs fall open. His erection was clearly obvious, pressed against his jeans. As Sam watched, Dean stroked his thumb down the edge of his cock.
Sam felt a surge of gratitude and love -- along with horniness -- as he looked at his brother. After the days of seeing him so sick, it felt like a gift to see him like this. "I'm really really glad you're better," he said, heartfelt.
"Because my cock-tease wasn't so good, before?" Dean made a face.
"Pale and feverish isn't your best look," Sam told him, making his voice apologetic. He pulled the car into the secluded spot that Dean had pointed out.
Dean gave him a pout. "I didn't still look hot?"
"Frankly, you made me want to feed you chicken soup more than you made me want to fuck you," Sam said, using the same apologetic tone.
Dean looked at him for a moment, then made a face. "I don't think I want to hear about your kinks right now."
Sam laughed; it was such a Dean thing to say. "Not a kink," he assured him. "Just... wanting to take care of you. You should understand," he said, turning in the seat to face his brother. "You've been taking care of me all my life."
"Sam, we pulled over here so I could suck your cock, and you want to talk about chicken soup and all the times you had a cold when you were a baby. Do we see a disconnect, here?" Dean was smiling, though, like thinking about taking care of Sam wasn't a bad thing at all.
"Hey, you're the one who wanted to know what you looked like when you were sick," Sam said with a shrug, sliding closer across the seat. "You looked like I needed to take care of you."
"Yeah, well, you did a good job. From what I can remember." Dean smiled, looking a little self-conscious. Then he looked confused. "Did Dad really--?"
"Did Dad really what?" Sam asked, fitting himself against his brother's side like he belonged there.
"This," Dean said, giving Sam a slight squeeze. "Every time I woke up either you or Dad were there." He sounded a bit freaked, but not exactly in a bad way.
"We were worried," Sam said, remembering how looking at how sick Dean was had made his stomach clench so badly he could barely eat any more than Dean could. "Your fever was pretty high. And then with the..." He hesitated over choosing the proper word, gesturing vaguely, "y'know... flashback nightmares you were having..." He swallowed and continued on in a quieter voice. "I didn't want you to wake up alone."
He felt a kiss pressed against his temple. "It was nice," Dean said quietly. There was a pause then, in a don't-hit-me tone of innocence he added, "I'm sorry if I end up giving you the flu."
Sam snuggled closer. "You better not. Or you'll be doing my homework."
"I'm not sure I could." There was that tone again which Sam had heard every so often when Dean talked about his school.
"Sure you could," Sam said with deliberate casualness, pressing his face against Dean's neck. "Turnabout's fair play -- you want me to help you with yours, you gotta help me with mine."
"Yours is a little more advanced," Dean said, but his hand slid around Sam's waist, promisingly.
"You'll get there," Sam assured him with absolute conviction. He let his mouth slide up a bit higher so he could whisper directly in his brother's ear, "You can do anything you want to."
He felt Dean shiver. "What if I want to never blow you again if you keep stealing my car keys?"
Sam chuckled and nipped at Dean's earlobe. "You don't want that," he said assuredly.
"I want you to stop stealing my car keys," Dean assured him, even as he moved around to give Sam better access. "Why I got you your own key." He slipped his hand under Sam's shirt, fingers brushing his lower back.
"Because you love me." Sam hummed in pleasure at his brother's touch.
Dean's response to that was to kiss him, pulling him close and holding on like he didn't ever intend to let go. Which was just fine with Sam. There was no place he'd rather be than with his brother and he thanked whatever force had given him those flashes of the way things could've been that he'd realised it before he'd done something irreparable.
Any more thoughts of a philosophical nature were waylaid as his brother's hand moved down inside Sam's jeans to cup his ass, even as his tongue slipped inside Sam's mouth.
Sam groaned as he sucked on Dean's tongue and tried to move even closer to his brother. He thought about straddling Dean, but the last time he'd tried that in the car, he'd hit his head on the ceiling hard enough that he'd seen stars. Dean seemed to be trying to help, shifting to make room every time Sam tried to get on top of him. Finally Dean broke off from kissing him and gave him a flat look. "If you were just about five inches shorter, this would work."
Sam rolled his eyes. "Yeah, because that's helpful." He paused and then suggested, "Backseat?"
"Or we can drive for fourteen hours, hard and frustrated."
Sam snorted. "I'm against that option."
"Yeah, I thought you would be." Dean opened the door and scooted backwards, out of the car. He glanced around like he was casing the area before moving back enough that Sam could get out as well. Grinning, Sam slid all the way across the seat and out the passenger door. Dean continued standing between Sam and the rest area, blocking the way as though Sam were already naked, or he expected the cops to show up.
Sam laughed. "Is there something you don't want people to see?" he asked, laying a hand against Dean's chest.
Dean actually looked slightly startled. "What?" Then he seemed to realise what Sam was talking about and just scowled. "Get in," he ordered, gesturing at the rear passenger door. Still laughing, Sam opened the car door and climbed into the back seat. Dean crawled in after him, and on top of him, still scowling mildly. He tugged at Sam's jeans.
"You know you could look a little happier," Sam pointed out. "Considering you're going to suck my dick and all."
Dean suddenly grinned. "Who said I was going to suck your dick?" He was getting Sam's jeans unbuttoned, and tugging on the zipper as he spoke.
"You did," Sam pointed out, helpfully wriggling his hips.
"No, I said I wasn't going to suck your dick." Dean scooted forward a little, and reached back to swing the car door closed. It was still cramped, but at least it wasn't going to be impossible. Then Dean reached for Sam again and tugged down the zipper of his jeans.
"Yeah, but you weren't serious," Sam said with complete confidence, and wriggled again enticingly.
His brother stopped, gave him a look that Sam knew all too well, then said, "You think so?" Dean started pulling Sam's jeans down, nudging for Sam to lift up until he got them down around Sam's hips.
"Dean, you said you would never give me a blowjob again," Sam pointed out, obediently lifting up his hips. "You don't have that kind of willpower when it comes to me."
For a moment Dean's eyes darkened. He opened his mouth, but then shook his head and turned his attention to getting Sam's underwear out of his way.
"You don't think so?" Sam asked.
"If I blow you now, can we not have this conversation?"
That wasn't the answer Sam was expecting. He frowned up at his brother, the build-up of arousal backing off in his concern. "Okay, spill. What's wrong?"
"Fucking hell," Dean muttered, sitting back on his heels and rolling his eyes. Then he glared. "I had fucking willpower for four fucking years. Is that not enough for you?"
Sam considered himself an expert of deciphering Dean, and had got even better at it after he started having those vision flashes, but he still his brother could blindside him. "What?"
For a moment it seemed like Dean was going to answer, then he folded his arms. "Never mind. Come on, I'm fucking driving." He started to scoot back out of the car.
Sam lunged up and grabbed onto Dean's arm, holding him in place. "Not until I figure out what just happened here. Come on Dean, talk to me."
Dean gave him another angry glare, but he said, "I fucking avoided sucking your dick for four years; you don't think I can keep myself from touching you when I want?"
Sam stared at him as he realised what his brother was talking about -- the years he'd spent wanting Sam, and not being free to have him. "Dean," he said softly, tugging on his brother's arm, trying to pull him closer, "that's a completely different situation."
"Because you finally gave in?" Dean stared at him, eyes showing what his flat voice didn't.
"Come here." Sitting up more fully, Sam tugged harder until Dean was close enough for him to pull into his arms.
"The hell are you doing?" Dean protested, but he let himself be manhandled into position.
"What does it look like?" Sam asked. And hoped Dean didn't answer, Making sure I can't run away.
"I think you're trying to keep me from driving," Dean answered, but he didn't sound as angry as he had a moment ago. He fidgeted once, then settled into Sam's hold.
Sam smiled and pressed a kiss to Dean's cheek. "Well, that too."
His brother made a noise that was a mix of grumpy contentment. But he stayed where Sam held him, and Sam could feel him relaxing.
When he was fairly sure that Dean wasn't going to try and bolt immediately, Sam finally answered his question. "Those four years are different because you were waiting for me to be ready and to realise what I really wanted."
"I thought I was waiting for your testicles to drop." Dean gave a sort of laugh. "Sam, I wasn't waiting for you. I was...trying not to.... I was trying to stop. And when I couldn't figure out how to stop I...hoped I could just learn to live with how I felt. Hoped you wouldn't find out and--"
Sam stopped him with another kiss. His brother kissed him back, willingly, almost eagerly. When he pulled back he held Dean's gaze and said, "This? You and I? It's always been meant to be. You just got there first." He smiled slightly. "But I caught up."
"How can you say that?" his brother asked. "And don't tell me you saw it all in a vision. You can't...know that.... What if it wasn't real?"
"Dean, nothing has felt more real to me than this," Sam said, willing his brother to really hear him.
"Maybe you're just crazy," Dean said, and it was clear he was trying to make it into a joke. But Dean was still leaning against him, not making any attempt to get away.
"Nah," Sam said with a grin.
"You like Alanis Morrisette," Dean accused.
"I'm not in love with Alanis Morrisette," Sam replied.
"You listen to her music," Dean said. "That means you're crazy." He felt his brother tense, suddenly, then relax -- as though it had taken that long for Sam's declaration to register.
"I'm not crazy," Sam said patiently, raising a hand to rub at the back of Dean's neck.
His brother stayed still for a moment, then Dean's head came down, resting on Sam's shoulder. "Love you even if you were," he said quietly.
"And that," Sam said, voice soft, "is why I know this is real."
"But--" Dean stopped himself and fell silent. Sam could tell he wasn't even wrestling with what he'd started to say, had just decided not to say anything at all.
"But what?"
Dean sighed, like he'd expected the question but still wished that Sam had left it alone. But he said, "I'd still love you. Even if... this wasn't right."
"So would I," Sam replied without hesitation.
Dean didn't answer, and Sam just let him have some time for that to sink in. They lay along the backseat of the car, Sam partly up against the door. It was cramped and not wholly comfortable, but Sam had no intention of moving.
His brother finally asked, "Sam? Are you doing...any of this because I want it? I mean, not because you want it?"
"What?" Sam pulled back enough to stare at his brother.
"I mean.. you say stuff like that and it sounds like.. you just want this like I do. But... if I ever... If you did anything because I wanted you to, and not because it was what you wanted...." Dean trailed off as he realised he wasn't making any more sense than he had the first time. He moved forward, resting his head on Sam again -- possibly to hide his face, Sam thought. "Sam, if there's something you'd rather have that isn't-- Don't be with me because you think you have to," he finally said, in a whisper.
Sam was frozen for a moment; he was so shocked that Dean thought... "No," he said, tightening his arms around his brother. "Dean, I want this. It's -- you -- are the most important thing in my life. Nothing else comes close."
He felt Dean nod, and could feel him relaxing again; if not fully, then at least Dean didn't feel like he was ready to run -- or braced for a blow. "I just needed to make sure," he said quietly.
"How long have you been worrying about this?" Sam asked, rubbing Dean's back comfortingly.
"Since you kissed me last spring?" Dean raised his head, looking at Sam like he was an idiot.
"That's what I was afraid of." He poked Dean hard in the side. "Next time, ask instead of angsting about it for months. I'm supposed to be the moody one, not you."
"I wasn't--" his brother began, in a defensive tone. Then he stopped and took a deep breath. As he let it out, he seemed to collapse. "I didn't want to lose you."
"Idiot," Sam said fondly, hugging him tighter. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Yeah." Dean pushed his hand underneath Sam's back, awkwardly but determined. He turned his head slightly, placing a kiss on Sam's chest, then he put his head down once more, closing his eyes. When it felt like he might say something more, instead his brother just breathed deeply and stayed quiet.
It wasn't too long before Dean's breathing let Sam know his brother had fallen asleep. Sam put his own head back and sighed, holding onto Dean tightly.
They could spare a few hours before getting back on the road. Some things were more important than keeping to a schedule.
the end