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gilascaveTitle: Heart's Desire VII: The Way Home 2/7
Authors: Wolfling (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
wolfling) and James (zortified)
Sequel: to Heart's Desire VI: Seeing Through Different Eyes
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 41,800 (story total)
Disclaimer: not ours, no profit made
Spoilers: none
Warnings: angst, smut, hugging.
Summary: The Winchesters hunt a ghost, while Dean's ghosts hunt him.
Notes: As always, we'd like to thankwesleysgirl for the awesome beta job. We'd also like to thank Hansen's, Diet Rite, and Pepsi for their diet sodas that zortified can drink without getting dizzy. Caffeine makes the world go 'round, people!
The entire series can be found in Gila's Cave and Wolfling's Den.
Continued from Chapter One
It was early morning when Sam's phone rang. Sam was already awake mostly because the absence of Dean beside him in the bed was enough to keep waking him up every time he moved and noticed it. So he was conscious but grumpy when he picked up the phone and muttered something that would pass for "Hello."
"Sam?" It was his dad.
"Dad?" Sam found himself sitting up straighter in bed even though of course his father couldn't see him. "Is everything all right?"
"Yes, yes, it's fine. Did I wake you?" Dad sounded slightly confused.
"Not really," Sam said. "I was about to get up anyway. So Dean's okay?"
"He's asleep," Dad said. "I figured...after last night we'd get a bit of a late start. I wanted to ask you... this school program. It's a good one?" He sounded hesitant, which didn't really surprise Sam at all. This wasn't the kind of conversation they were used to having.
But it was the kind that Sam was all for encouraging. Talking with his Dad about something other than a hunt was something that he once thought would never happen. He was happy every time he was proven wrong on that.
Especially when they were talking about Dean. "Yes, sir," he replied. "It's the best of all the ones I could find."
"Good, good. I know you wouldn't let him pick something that was a scam, but.. well, it should be a good school." From the way he said it, Sam could hear what his dad was thinking. Nothing but the best for my boy.
Normally he said it about handguns and ammo.
That he was saying it now about this made something inside Sam relax just a tiny bit more. "He let me do the initial research and I didn't give him any choices but the best I could find. I didn't want him... settling, y'know?"
There was silence for a moment. "Yeah. Sam, you.. you make sure you get him enrolled."
"Already started on that," Sam replied, relaxing even more as it became evident he had an ally in his father in this. "All the paperwork is done, just need to submit his transcripts and a check to pay for it on Monday." He paused and added softly, "I won't let him back out."
"Good. Just...sit on him if you have to." There was a soft sound, almost like a chuckle. "And you'll probably have to." The amusement died away, though, and his dad sighed. "God, I really...." He heard his dad take a deep breath. "I screwed up pretty badly with him, didn't I?"
There was a time in the not too distant past when Sam would have agreed wholeheartedly, but not now. Between the perspective he'd gained from his vision flashes and his own growing closeness with both Dean and their father in different ways, Sam saw things differently now. "You've always done the best you could with us," he told his father. "We didn't turn out too badly all things considered."
Dad laughed, once -- not from real amusement. "All things considered. Yes... Sam, I-- I'll put some money in your bank account, to cover the program. It might not clear right away, but it should only take few days, a week at most."
"Thanks," Sam said, not arguing now any more than he had considered going to their Dad and asking for money before. "It'll help." He paused and then confessed to the one person who might understand, "My whole life he's done everything for me. I just want him to be able to do some things he wants for himself." Sam gave a bark of laughter that wasn't quite humorous. "And I have to fight him harder on that than anyone else."
"I know. I... Sam," Dad said, voice soft. "Did you...know about what he was doing? I mean, before you told me?"
Sam didn't need to ask for clarification on what Dad was referring to. "Some," he admitted softly. "Not exactly how bad it was or how long he'd been... But I knew he was... taking things out in trade sometimes."
"God. I had no idea. I... why would he.... We didn't need anything that badly." He was speaking quietly, and Sam couldn't tell if he was just overcome with emotion, or just trying not to wake Dean.
"Dean... never seemed to consider it a big deal," Sam said, trying to explain something he wasn't sure he fully understood himself. "It was just something else he could do, another way he could help."
There was silence for several moments. Then, "Sam, if you boys ever need anything, don't.... Tell me, OK? Don't let him...."
"Believe me, I won't," Sam replied, letting some of his fierce determination show in his voice.
"Thank you." Dad said it, heartfelt as Sam himself felt. "So," he said, clearly trying to regroup. After a moment it became clear he had no idea what to say, though.
"So have you got a lead on the poltergeist yet?" Sam asked, quite happy to shift the conversation to more familiar territory. That his Dad had even made the effort for more was enough.
"I think so. We have a few places to check out -- there are some reports of something similar happening at three different locations over the last twenty years. We need to find out if they're related."
Sam listened to his father talk with his usual enthusiasm about the hunt and even threw in an idea or two of his own. He found himself actually kind of missing being there and not just because of missing Dean. One thing his vision flashes had taught him was that however much he might yearn for normal, somewhere deep down inside he was as much a born and made hunter as his brother and father.
Soon enough it was time to say goodbye; Dad and Dean needed to get on with the job, and Sam himself had things he needed to do. It was surprisingly easy to end the conversation without any awkwardness or gruffness. No more was said about Dean, or school, though Sam was pretty sure it wasn't anything his dad would forget anytime soon.
Sam finally hung up the phone and was faced with a quiet apartment and a day spent alone.
Well, Deanless at least; he would probably run into other people when he headed out to the library to study. But in some ways it pretty much amounted to the same thing.
At least he had things to do today; if he'd had nothing at all planned, he had a feeling he might end up sitting around the apartment completely wasting the day.
Or checking out flights to Spokane.
He would have to do that some hunt, just to see Dean's face when he showed up.
He told himself that this first time, he'd have to let Dean and Dad hunt alone, just to prove... well, something. That he could let Dean go and do this, so he'd feel free to do it again. Sam didn't want Dean to feel stuck here, no matter what the original excuse for his coming along had been. Sam knew how much Dean loved hunting -- watching his face light up when Dad had invited him had been evidence enough of that, even if Sam hadn't already known.
Even if he didn't really want Dean to go off and leave for days on end, neither did he want Dean to ever feel trapped.
The most important thing he wanted was for Dean to be happy -- really happy. Everything else fell second to that, even his own happiness. Not that that had been a hindrance so far; seeing Dean happy made Sam happier and more content with his life than he had ever dreamed he'd be. It meant things were right in the universe in a very basic, intrinsic way.
Sam realised it was maybe a good thing Dean wasn't there; he'd be laughing at just how sappy Sam was getting.
On the other hand, if Dean were there, Sam wouldn't have to get sappy because he'd be sleeping off some early morning fucking. Or possibly in the middle of mid-morning fucking, it was a close call. Stopping that line of thought before it could get... uncomfortable, Sam got up and headed for the shower.
He managed to keep himself busy with one thing or another until after lunch, when it was time to head out to the library to meet up with Mat and Kerrie from his economics class. He didn't remember them from... before, but Sam wasn't really sure if he would or not.
Things were different now and getting moreso with every passing day; Sam wasn't sure how much relevance what he saw in his vision flashes still had. Considering some of the things he'd seen, that wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing.
Sam headed out, catching the bus up to campus.
The ride was pretty short, even with a dozen stops along the way. Not nearly as nice as Dean driving him -- but that had more to do with Dean, than the fact they could drive directly to campus. When he got to the library stop, Sam saw Kerrie and Mat by one of the benches lining the sidewalk.
He got off the bus and headed over to meet them. "Hey guys."
"Hey, how's it going?" Kerrie smiled, hitching her backpack up on her shoulder. Then she glanced past Sam and frowned. "Did you just get off the bus?"
"Yeah. Keen powers of observation, Kerrie."
"Is your boyfriend sick? Or--" Her face suddenly lit up. "Did you break up? Can I call him? I mean, I'm really sorry, that sucks, but you don't mind, right?"
Mat shook his head. "I think you have to wait a couple days before you swoop in."
Sam smiled slightly, not being able to fault Kerrie's taste at all. "Dean's fine. Just had to go out of town on business."
"Oh." Kerrie pouted. She'd never even tried to hide her attraction to Dean -- though Sam knew she respected the fact that he and Dean were together. Sam wouldn't have considered her a friend if he thought she would really try something. Dean, he wasn't worried about.
Not just because Dean knew how good a shot Sam was.
"But if you do ever break up, you'll let me know, right? So I can comfort his broken heart?" She grinned, cheerfully.
"Not going to happen, Kerrie," Sam assured her cheerfully, with the utter confidence of his visions.
"But we're friends! Don't you think I deserve a guy like Dean?" She gave a small pout. "Someone who'll drive me to school, carry my books, make me breakfast..." She shook her head. "If he does the laundry, Sam, I swear I will kill myself. Or you, so I can comfort his broken heart." Kerrie winked.
"We take turns doing the laundry."
"Huh." Kerrie seemed to be considering this as they headed into the library.
Mat, trailing behind Kerrie and Sam, said, "You really can ignore her, you know. She was at the Carburetor last night with some guy named Phil."
"Yeah, but Phil is no Dean." She looked at Sam. "How'd you score someone like him, anyway? Does he have a brother I could have?"
"His brother's just as involved in his relationship," Sam assured her with a straight face.
"There really is another one just like him at home?" Kerrie's eyes widened. "And they're both taken? How is that fair?" She shook her head, angrily. "And I'm stuck with jerks like Danny and Chris and Travis and Marcus."
Sam stared at her. "All at once?" Knowing Kerrie, it was a distinct possibility.
"Eew!" She wrinkled her nose, but she didn't, in Sam's opinion, look entirely put off. "I mean, yeah, I was dating Marcus and Danny at the same time, but not.. you know."
"We don't know," Mat put in. "Please, explain. In detail." They reached the elevator, and Mat hit the button for the third floor, where the study rooms were.
"Please don't," Sam put in, looking at Mat. "Ever heard of TMI?"
"I dunno," Mat said. "I don't have a girlfriend. I have to get my pleasures vicariously."
"I could tell you about how I said goodbye to Dean..." Sam offered helpfully, knowing Mat would turn him down.
"Thanks, but really, I'm not that desperate." Mat shook his head and held up one hand, warding him off.
Ahead of them, Kerrie had found an empty study room, and was holding the door open. "Ooh," she said. "Can I hear?"
"No."
Kerrie looked at Mat. "Tell him you want to hear about it."
Mat dumped his backpack on the table. "Not a chance in Hell."
Sam let a smug expression settle on his face as he sat down and pulled out his laptop.
"Grr. My life is so not fair." Kerrie pulled her books out, letting them slam down onto the table with a loud thump. "And we have this stupid test on Monday, which means my partying time is being seriously cut into. I could be visiting the Bay right now."
"I could have gone with Dean," Sam pointed out. "We all have to make sacrifices."
"I'm really not sacrificing anything," Mat said. "I have no life. I'm a pathetic loser." He gave a determined nod, and opened up his textbook. "A pathetic loser who is not listening to you talking about the fun things you could be doing."
"Yeah," Sam said, thoughtfully looking at his friend, knowing how very easily that could be him saying those things if the vision flashes hadn't changed his choices. "Y'know, Dean would say we need to get you laid."
Mat sighed. "If he's got a friend, send her my way."
They settled down to study. The class wasn't one Sam remembered from before -- it would have been nice if his visions included the stuff he'd learned the first time around. But understanding the information was still pretty easy, if dry and more than a little boring.
Finally, after about an hour, Kerrie leaned back and tossed her pencil down. "My brain is stuck. I need a break. Preferably on a beach with a surfer boy bringing me a Pepsi." She sighed, shaking her head at the books spread out over the table. "Your boyfriend is lucky he doesn't have to do this stuff anymore."
"Actually," Sam said leaning back in his own seat, "Dean's thinking of taking a couple of courses online. Getting his feet wet." He didn't mention that it was for his high school diploma, but the idea that Dean was taking classes too might help him fit in with Sam's friends better. Not that he had seemed to need much help in that direction so far, he had to admit.
"For grad school?" Kerrie asked.
"He's not that old," Mat put in.
"He totally is," Kerrie retorted. "I saw his driver's license."
Sam stared at Kerrie. "When were you looking at Dean's license?"
"He was buying us beer." She waved a hand, then looked guilty. "Unless you weren't supposed to know about that in which case I didn't say a word?"
"Only if I didn't get any of it myself," Sam said solemnly.
"He said something about it being girly beer," Kerrie said.
Dean would. "When was this, anyway?" Sam asked, trying to figure out when Dean could have been hanging out with his friends when he wasn't around.
"Couple weeks ago. I stopped by to pick up those notes you said I could borrow and I was talking about the party Cherise was having and how Marcus wouldn't buy us any beer because his fake ID is crap and he's scared of getting arrested. I wasn't.. you know, I wasn't thinking about him buying it but he offered. Who am I to turn him down?" She smiled, and Sam had a feeling that one of Dean's charming smiles had been involved in Kerrie's willingness to let him help.
"He always has been ready to help corrupt people," Sam said with a fond smile.
"See! I keep volunteering, but you won't let me," Kerrie said.
"Kerrie, you don't need any more corrupting," Mat put in. "Maybe you should try going after someone who isn't happily married."
Sam blinked; no one had ever referred to him and Dean as married before.
"You are," Mat said, sounding like he was breaking news. "Maybe not legally, but.. dude, you are totally married."
Kerrie was nodding. "The way he looks at you when you aren't looking -- my grandma looks at my grandpa like that and they've been together for forty years. Not in a 'wanna have sex' way because eew. But... like you're the best thing ever."
Sam felt his face heat a little at Kerrie's description, but it wasn't one he could gainsay. He knew how Dean felt about him with almost the same certainty as he knew his own feelings for Dean. "He's the best thing in my life," he admitted with a small smile.
"Yeah, we know," Mat said, rolling his eyes.
"You look at him the same way." Kerrie explained, and smiled -- dreamily, which was actually a little frightening. "It's so romantic. You act like you've been together forever, and it's only been, what? I mean, you're only eighteen." She leaned forward, elbows on the table, eager for details.
"We've known each other since we were kids," Sam said carefully, giving as much of the truth as he could. "It feels like I've always known him, really."
"Oh, yeah?" Kerrie asked. "So your parents... they know?" She paused, clearly realising she'd stumbled on a potentially difficult subject.
Sam stumbled over the response too, mostly because they hadn't discussed whose Dad they were going to say their father was if he ever came visiting. "It's known we're living together," he finally said even more carefully.
"But they don't realise you're sleeping together?" Mat said, looking at Sam carefully. "They think you're just roommates?"
"It's known we're living together," Sam repeated again, refusing to give any more details that they'd have to live up to later.
Both Kerrie and Mat stared at him with similar expressions of confusion, though Kerrie's cleared a moment later. "Your parents know and pretend they don't know? My mom's like that with my older sister -- she's a Wiccan, and Mom is all 'oh, and church this, and Pastor Jim that' whenever she comes home." She waved a hand, as if encompassing the inanities of parents everywhere.
"Pastor Jim?" Sam asked. It was most likely that it wasn't the Pastor Jim that he knew, but it never hurt to ask.
"Yeah, I know - seems weird to call your Pastor by his first name, doesn't it? But.. Pastor Jim has always had us call him that." Kerrie shrugged. "He's cool, though.. sometimes he's a little...strange. Not bad strange, just...he gets really intense, sometimes when he talks about...stuff. But maybe that's why he's a pastor, I guess."
"What... Is his name Jim Murphy?" Sam asked.
Kerrie boggled at him. "Oh my god, yes. Do you -- how do you know him? The congregation is tiny, I've never...." She frowned, and tilted her head. "I've never seen you there before. How do you know Pastor Jim?"
Beside them, Mat began humming the theme to the Twilight Zone. Kerrie stuck her tongue out at him.
"He's an old friend of my Dad's," Sam said honestly, a little boggled at this connection. And possibly also a little freaked out.
"Oh my god!" Kerrie looked a little freaked out, herself. "Is your dad from Blue Earth?" She frowned, and Sam didn't blame her -- the last time they'd been to Blue Earth, the town's population had been something like 3,000 people. "I don't know any Winchesters," she said thoughtfully. "Was he a war buddy? Pastor Jim never talks about it, but he was in Vietnam."
"Yeah," Sam said, grateful for the simple explanation. "My dad's an ex-Marine."
"That's so cool!" Kerrie bounced in her seat. "I can't wait to tell Mom, and she'll be so thrilled to tell Pastor Jim I know one of his friends' kids. How weird is that?"
"Yeah, the world is really small," Sam said, forcing a smile. He wasn't go to freak out. Even if the thought of Kerrie telling Pastor Jim all about going to school with Sam Winchester and his boyfriend Dean had his stomach clenching.
Maybe -- possibly -- the message would get so garbled that Pastor Jim would end up only hearing that Kerrie knew Sam and Dean, and any of Kerrie's romantic notions of how wonderful it was that Sam and Dean were in love would...
He needed to call Dean.
"I..uh..." he said, standing up. "Just need to..." He gestured in the direction of the bathrooms.
Kerrie and Mat didn't say a word as he left -- which made sense, there was nothing wrong with having to go take a piss. Sam walked past the bathrooms and into an empty study room, already pulling out his phone and dialling as he walked.
It didn't take long -- halfway into the first ring -- before he heard Dean's voice. "Hey, Sammy." He sounded happy.
Just hearing Dean's voice steadied Sam. "Hi Dean," he said. "Hunt going well?"
"Oh, yeah," Dean said, completely sarcastically. "We've been going from one end of town to the other, digging through news archives and county records and surveyors' maps. Real thrill-a-minute stuff."
Those were the parts of the job Dean had never really enjoyed -- he liked dealing with people, and things he could destroy. Still, even if this wasn't the part that was Dean's favourite, he sounded like he was enjoying himself, and Sam was struck not for the first time by just how much hunting meant to his brother.
"Hang on a sec," Dean said, then he heard his brother saying something -- sounded like he was talking to Dad. That was confirmed when he heard his dad's voice, then there was a pause -- then the noise of traffic and wind and Sam realised Dean had gone outside. "OK. Hey. Miss you."
"Miss you, too," Sam said, the words coming out more heartfelt than he'd intended. "I don't like waking up alone anymore."
Dean laughed. "Yeah -- thought about saying you should have come with me, but.. sharing a bed with Dad in the room? Not a good idea." Dean sounded more amused by the prospect than freaked out.
"Yeah, that could be... problematic," Sam agreed, and took a deep breath before moving to the reason he felt he needed to call. "Speaking of possible problems, we might have one. Or maybe not. I could just be overreacting and freaking out over nothing..."
"What's up?" Suddenly Dean was all business.
"You know Kerrie?"
"Cute blonde, from your economics class? Yeah -- hey, if this is about me buying her beer... what the hell do you care? I buy you beer all the time."
"She's from Blue Earth," Sam said.
There was the slightest pause, then, "She knows Pastor Jim?" Dean said, with audible trepidation.
"Yeah. And she thinks we're cute. Cute enough to talk about."
"We are cute enough to talk about," Dean retorted, but from the stunned way he said it, Sam knew the impact was not lost on him. A second later, Dean said, "Fuck. Fuck me. Fuck us both, sideways."
"Yeah. And I was so surprised to hear her talking about Pastor Jim that I told her I knew him," Sam admitted, realising now that that had been his mistake. "I'm sorry."
"Would that matter? If she knows him, she'd talk about us anyway sooner or later. Blue Earth is a tiny fucking town, everyone knows everyone else."
"We're lucky we never ran into Kerrie when we were staying with Pastor Jim," Sam said, thinking what a mess they'd been in now if she'd had.
"Yeah. She's gonna tell him all about us, isn't she?" Dean asked, in a hushed tone.
"Probably, yeah. Dean..." Sam trailed off, not sure what he wanted to say.
"Soon as Pastor Jim hears, he'll tell Dad."
"Yeah. We have to..." Again Sam trailed off, feeling lost.
There was a pause, then, in a quiet, tight voice, Dean said, "I have to tell Dad."
"No," Sam said immediately. He swallowed hard. "Not... at least not alone. If we have to tell him, we do it together."
There was no response, and Sam knew what Dean was thinking -- that he'd protect Sam. Give himself up as the target.
"Together, Dean," he repeated. "Promise me."
"What if he asks?" Dean asked. "Sam, I can't lie to him." He laughed, once, harshly. "I tried last night; I suck at lying to him."
"It's not likely to come up in random conversation," Sam said. "Not in...however long it'll take me to get there. I doubt Kerrie's making a special phone call right now to tell Pastor Jim about us or anything."
"You're...coming up here?" Dean sounded surprised -- but also quite clearly hopeful. Though maybe the longing Sam heard was as much due to the fact that they missed each other than anything else.
"Well, this isn't really something we can break to Dad over the phone, and I'm not letting you do this by yourself," Sam pointed out. "So yeah, looks like I am."
"I--" Dean sounded happy, then, "How are you gonna get up here? Sammy, if you hotwire a car....make it a good one."
Sam chuckled at this typical Dean advice. "I was thinking I might fly up. Could you pick me up at the airport if I do?"
"I dunno, Sammy," Dean drawled, voice thick with sarcasm. "Maybe I'll just go grab a pizza instead. Moron."
"Just checking," Sam defended himself. "You could be really hungry for pizza, after all."
"Sam, you're a dickhead." Dean's voice changed, then, casual and friendly and distant. "I gotta get back to work. Some of us have important things to do."
"I'll call when I know when I'll be getting in," Sam promised, then after a pause added, "Love you."
"Asshole," Dean responded, in a cheerful tone. Then the call was disconnected from Dean's end.
Sam stood there listening to dead air for a moment, before shaking himself and taking a deep breath. Dialing another number, he set about booking himself airline tickets to Spokane.
end chapter two
Authors: Wolfling (
wolfling) and James (zortified)Sequel: to Heart's Desire VI: Seeing Through Different Eyes
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 41,800 (story total)
Disclaimer: not ours, no profit made
Spoilers: none
Warnings: angst, smut, hugging.
Summary: The Winchesters hunt a ghost, while Dean's ghosts hunt him.
Notes: As always, we'd like to thank
wesleysgirl for the awesome beta job. We'd also like to thank Hansen's, Diet Rite, and Pepsi for their diet sodas that zortified can drink without getting dizzy. Caffeine makes the world go 'round, people!The entire series can be found in Gila's Cave and Wolfling's Den.
Continued from Chapter One
It was early morning when Sam's phone rang. Sam was already awake mostly because the absence of Dean beside him in the bed was enough to keep waking him up every time he moved and noticed it. So he was conscious but grumpy when he picked up the phone and muttered something that would pass for "Hello."
"Sam?" It was his dad.
"Dad?" Sam found himself sitting up straighter in bed even though of course his father couldn't see him. "Is everything all right?"
"Yes, yes, it's fine. Did I wake you?" Dad sounded slightly confused.
"Not really," Sam said. "I was about to get up anyway. So Dean's okay?"
"He's asleep," Dad said. "I figured...after last night we'd get a bit of a late start. I wanted to ask you... this school program. It's a good one?" He sounded hesitant, which didn't really surprise Sam at all. This wasn't the kind of conversation they were used to having.
But it was the kind that Sam was all for encouraging. Talking with his Dad about something other than a hunt was something that he once thought would never happen. He was happy every time he was proven wrong on that.
Especially when they were talking about Dean. "Yes, sir," he replied. "It's the best of all the ones I could find."
"Good, good. I know you wouldn't let him pick something that was a scam, but.. well, it should be a good school." From the way he said it, Sam could hear what his dad was thinking. Nothing but the best for my boy.
Normally he said it about handguns and ammo.
That he was saying it now about this made something inside Sam relax just a tiny bit more. "He let me do the initial research and I didn't give him any choices but the best I could find. I didn't want him... settling, y'know?"
There was silence for a moment. "Yeah. Sam, you.. you make sure you get him enrolled."
"Already started on that," Sam replied, relaxing even more as it became evident he had an ally in his father in this. "All the paperwork is done, just need to submit his transcripts and a check to pay for it on Monday." He paused and added softly, "I won't let him back out."
"Good. Just...sit on him if you have to." There was a soft sound, almost like a chuckle. "And you'll probably have to." The amusement died away, though, and his dad sighed. "God, I really...." He heard his dad take a deep breath. "I screwed up pretty badly with him, didn't I?"
There was a time in the not too distant past when Sam would have agreed wholeheartedly, but not now. Between the perspective he'd gained from his vision flashes and his own growing closeness with both Dean and their father in different ways, Sam saw things differently now. "You've always done the best you could with us," he told his father. "We didn't turn out too badly all things considered."
Dad laughed, once -- not from real amusement. "All things considered. Yes... Sam, I-- I'll put some money in your bank account, to cover the program. It might not clear right away, but it should only take few days, a week at most."
"Thanks," Sam said, not arguing now any more than he had considered going to their Dad and asking for money before. "It'll help." He paused and then confessed to the one person who might understand, "My whole life he's done everything for me. I just want him to be able to do some things he wants for himself." Sam gave a bark of laughter that wasn't quite humorous. "And I have to fight him harder on that than anyone else."
"I know. I... Sam," Dad said, voice soft. "Did you...know about what he was doing? I mean, before you told me?"
Sam didn't need to ask for clarification on what Dad was referring to. "Some," he admitted softly. "Not exactly how bad it was or how long he'd been... But I knew he was... taking things out in trade sometimes."
"God. I had no idea. I... why would he.... We didn't need anything that badly." He was speaking quietly, and Sam couldn't tell if he was just overcome with emotion, or just trying not to wake Dean.
"Dean... never seemed to consider it a big deal," Sam said, trying to explain something he wasn't sure he fully understood himself. "It was just something else he could do, another way he could help."
There was silence for several moments. Then, "Sam, if you boys ever need anything, don't.... Tell me, OK? Don't let him...."
"Believe me, I won't," Sam replied, letting some of his fierce determination show in his voice.
"Thank you." Dad said it, heartfelt as Sam himself felt. "So," he said, clearly trying to regroup. After a moment it became clear he had no idea what to say, though.
"So have you got a lead on the poltergeist yet?" Sam asked, quite happy to shift the conversation to more familiar territory. That his Dad had even made the effort for more was enough.
"I think so. We have a few places to check out -- there are some reports of something similar happening at three different locations over the last twenty years. We need to find out if they're related."
Sam listened to his father talk with his usual enthusiasm about the hunt and even threw in an idea or two of his own. He found himself actually kind of missing being there and not just because of missing Dean. One thing his vision flashes had taught him was that however much he might yearn for normal, somewhere deep down inside he was as much a born and made hunter as his brother and father.
Soon enough it was time to say goodbye; Dad and Dean needed to get on with the job, and Sam himself had things he needed to do. It was surprisingly easy to end the conversation without any awkwardness or gruffness. No more was said about Dean, or school, though Sam was pretty sure it wasn't anything his dad would forget anytime soon.
Sam finally hung up the phone and was faced with a quiet apartment and a day spent alone.
Well, Deanless at least; he would probably run into other people when he headed out to the library to study. But in some ways it pretty much amounted to the same thing.
At least he had things to do today; if he'd had nothing at all planned, he had a feeling he might end up sitting around the apartment completely wasting the day.
Or checking out flights to Spokane.
He would have to do that some hunt, just to see Dean's face when he showed up.
He told himself that this first time, he'd have to let Dean and Dad hunt alone, just to prove... well, something. That he could let Dean go and do this, so he'd feel free to do it again. Sam didn't want Dean to feel stuck here, no matter what the original excuse for his coming along had been. Sam knew how much Dean loved hunting -- watching his face light up when Dad had invited him had been evidence enough of that, even if Sam hadn't already known.
Even if he didn't really want Dean to go off and leave for days on end, neither did he want Dean to ever feel trapped.
The most important thing he wanted was for Dean to be happy -- really happy. Everything else fell second to that, even his own happiness. Not that that had been a hindrance so far; seeing Dean happy made Sam happier and more content with his life than he had ever dreamed he'd be. It meant things were right in the universe in a very basic, intrinsic way.
Sam realised it was maybe a good thing Dean wasn't there; he'd be laughing at just how sappy Sam was getting.
On the other hand, if Dean were there, Sam wouldn't have to get sappy because he'd be sleeping off some early morning fucking. Or possibly in the middle of mid-morning fucking, it was a close call. Stopping that line of thought before it could get... uncomfortable, Sam got up and headed for the shower.
He managed to keep himself busy with one thing or another until after lunch, when it was time to head out to the library to meet up with Mat and Kerrie from his economics class. He didn't remember them from... before, but Sam wasn't really sure if he would or not.
Things were different now and getting moreso with every passing day; Sam wasn't sure how much relevance what he saw in his vision flashes still had. Considering some of the things he'd seen, that wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing.
Sam headed out, catching the bus up to campus.
The ride was pretty short, even with a dozen stops along the way. Not nearly as nice as Dean driving him -- but that had more to do with Dean, than the fact they could drive directly to campus. When he got to the library stop, Sam saw Kerrie and Mat by one of the benches lining the sidewalk.
He got off the bus and headed over to meet them. "Hey guys."
"Hey, how's it going?" Kerrie smiled, hitching her backpack up on her shoulder. Then she glanced past Sam and frowned. "Did you just get off the bus?"
"Yeah. Keen powers of observation, Kerrie."
"Is your boyfriend sick? Or--" Her face suddenly lit up. "Did you break up? Can I call him? I mean, I'm really sorry, that sucks, but you don't mind, right?"
Mat shook his head. "I think you have to wait a couple days before you swoop in."
Sam smiled slightly, not being able to fault Kerrie's taste at all. "Dean's fine. Just had to go out of town on business."
"Oh." Kerrie pouted. She'd never even tried to hide her attraction to Dean -- though Sam knew she respected the fact that he and Dean were together. Sam wouldn't have considered her a friend if he thought she would really try something. Dean, he wasn't worried about.
Not just because Dean knew how good a shot Sam was.
"But if you do ever break up, you'll let me know, right? So I can comfort his broken heart?" She grinned, cheerfully.
"Not going to happen, Kerrie," Sam assured her cheerfully, with the utter confidence of his visions.
"But we're friends! Don't you think I deserve a guy like Dean?" She gave a small pout. "Someone who'll drive me to school, carry my books, make me breakfast..." She shook her head. "If he does the laundry, Sam, I swear I will kill myself. Or you, so I can comfort his broken heart." Kerrie winked.
"We take turns doing the laundry."
"Huh." Kerrie seemed to be considering this as they headed into the library.
Mat, trailing behind Kerrie and Sam, said, "You really can ignore her, you know. She was at the Carburetor last night with some guy named Phil."
"Yeah, but Phil is no Dean." She looked at Sam. "How'd you score someone like him, anyway? Does he have a brother I could have?"
"His brother's just as involved in his relationship," Sam assured her with a straight face.
"There really is another one just like him at home?" Kerrie's eyes widened. "And they're both taken? How is that fair?" She shook her head, angrily. "And I'm stuck with jerks like Danny and Chris and Travis and Marcus."
Sam stared at her. "All at once?" Knowing Kerrie, it was a distinct possibility.
"Eew!" She wrinkled her nose, but she didn't, in Sam's opinion, look entirely put off. "I mean, yeah, I was dating Marcus and Danny at the same time, but not.. you know."
"We don't know," Mat put in. "Please, explain. In detail." They reached the elevator, and Mat hit the button for the third floor, where the study rooms were.
"Please don't," Sam put in, looking at Mat. "Ever heard of TMI?"
"I dunno," Mat said. "I don't have a girlfriend. I have to get my pleasures vicariously."
"I could tell you about how I said goodbye to Dean..." Sam offered helpfully, knowing Mat would turn him down.
"Thanks, but really, I'm not that desperate." Mat shook his head and held up one hand, warding him off.
Ahead of them, Kerrie had found an empty study room, and was holding the door open. "Ooh," she said. "Can I hear?"
"No."
Kerrie looked at Mat. "Tell him you want to hear about it."
Mat dumped his backpack on the table. "Not a chance in Hell."
Sam let a smug expression settle on his face as he sat down and pulled out his laptop.
"Grr. My life is so not fair." Kerrie pulled her books out, letting them slam down onto the table with a loud thump. "And we have this stupid test on Monday, which means my partying time is being seriously cut into. I could be visiting the Bay right now."
"I could have gone with Dean," Sam pointed out. "We all have to make sacrifices."
"I'm really not sacrificing anything," Mat said. "I have no life. I'm a pathetic loser." He gave a determined nod, and opened up his textbook. "A pathetic loser who is not listening to you talking about the fun things you could be doing."
"Yeah," Sam said, thoughtfully looking at his friend, knowing how very easily that could be him saying those things if the vision flashes hadn't changed his choices. "Y'know, Dean would say we need to get you laid."
Mat sighed. "If he's got a friend, send her my way."
They settled down to study. The class wasn't one Sam remembered from before -- it would have been nice if his visions included the stuff he'd learned the first time around. But understanding the information was still pretty easy, if dry and more than a little boring.
Finally, after about an hour, Kerrie leaned back and tossed her pencil down. "My brain is stuck. I need a break. Preferably on a beach with a surfer boy bringing me a Pepsi." She sighed, shaking her head at the books spread out over the table. "Your boyfriend is lucky he doesn't have to do this stuff anymore."
"Actually," Sam said leaning back in his own seat, "Dean's thinking of taking a couple of courses online. Getting his feet wet." He didn't mention that it was for his high school diploma, but the idea that Dean was taking classes too might help him fit in with Sam's friends better. Not that he had seemed to need much help in that direction so far, he had to admit.
"For grad school?" Kerrie asked.
"He's not that old," Mat put in.
"He totally is," Kerrie retorted. "I saw his driver's license."
Sam stared at Kerrie. "When were you looking at Dean's license?"
"He was buying us beer." She waved a hand, then looked guilty. "Unless you weren't supposed to know about that in which case I didn't say a word?"
"Only if I didn't get any of it myself," Sam said solemnly.
"He said something about it being girly beer," Kerrie said.
Dean would. "When was this, anyway?" Sam asked, trying to figure out when Dean could have been hanging out with his friends when he wasn't around.
"Couple weeks ago. I stopped by to pick up those notes you said I could borrow and I was talking about the party Cherise was having and how Marcus wouldn't buy us any beer because his fake ID is crap and he's scared of getting arrested. I wasn't.. you know, I wasn't thinking about him buying it but he offered. Who am I to turn him down?" She smiled, and Sam had a feeling that one of Dean's charming smiles had been involved in Kerrie's willingness to let him help.
"He always has been ready to help corrupt people," Sam said with a fond smile.
"See! I keep volunteering, but you won't let me," Kerrie said.
"Kerrie, you don't need any more corrupting," Mat put in. "Maybe you should try going after someone who isn't happily married."
Sam blinked; no one had ever referred to him and Dean as married before.
"You are," Mat said, sounding like he was breaking news. "Maybe not legally, but.. dude, you are totally married."
Kerrie was nodding. "The way he looks at you when you aren't looking -- my grandma looks at my grandpa like that and they've been together for forty years. Not in a 'wanna have sex' way because eew. But... like you're the best thing ever."
Sam felt his face heat a little at Kerrie's description, but it wasn't one he could gainsay. He knew how Dean felt about him with almost the same certainty as he knew his own feelings for Dean. "He's the best thing in my life," he admitted with a small smile.
"Yeah, we know," Mat said, rolling his eyes.
"You look at him the same way." Kerrie explained, and smiled -- dreamily, which was actually a little frightening. "It's so romantic. You act like you've been together forever, and it's only been, what? I mean, you're only eighteen." She leaned forward, elbows on the table, eager for details.
"We've known each other since we were kids," Sam said carefully, giving as much of the truth as he could. "It feels like I've always known him, really."
"Oh, yeah?" Kerrie asked. "So your parents... they know?" She paused, clearly realising she'd stumbled on a potentially difficult subject.
Sam stumbled over the response too, mostly because they hadn't discussed whose Dad they were going to say their father was if he ever came visiting. "It's known we're living together," he finally said even more carefully.
"But they don't realise you're sleeping together?" Mat said, looking at Sam carefully. "They think you're just roommates?"
"It's known we're living together," Sam repeated again, refusing to give any more details that they'd have to live up to later.
Both Kerrie and Mat stared at him with similar expressions of confusion, though Kerrie's cleared a moment later. "Your parents know and pretend they don't know? My mom's like that with my older sister -- she's a Wiccan, and Mom is all 'oh, and church this, and Pastor Jim that' whenever she comes home." She waved a hand, as if encompassing the inanities of parents everywhere.
"Pastor Jim?" Sam asked. It was most likely that it wasn't the Pastor Jim that he knew, but it never hurt to ask.
"Yeah, I know - seems weird to call your Pastor by his first name, doesn't it? But.. Pastor Jim has always had us call him that." Kerrie shrugged. "He's cool, though.. sometimes he's a little...strange. Not bad strange, just...he gets really intense, sometimes when he talks about...stuff. But maybe that's why he's a pastor, I guess."
"What... Is his name Jim Murphy?" Sam asked.
Kerrie boggled at him. "Oh my god, yes. Do you -- how do you know him? The congregation is tiny, I've never...." She frowned, and tilted her head. "I've never seen you there before. How do you know Pastor Jim?"
Beside them, Mat began humming the theme to the Twilight Zone. Kerrie stuck her tongue out at him.
"He's an old friend of my Dad's," Sam said honestly, a little boggled at this connection. And possibly also a little freaked out.
"Oh my god!" Kerrie looked a little freaked out, herself. "Is your dad from Blue Earth?" She frowned, and Sam didn't blame her -- the last time they'd been to Blue Earth, the town's population had been something like 3,000 people. "I don't know any Winchesters," she said thoughtfully. "Was he a war buddy? Pastor Jim never talks about it, but he was in Vietnam."
"Yeah," Sam said, grateful for the simple explanation. "My dad's an ex-Marine."
"That's so cool!" Kerrie bounced in her seat. "I can't wait to tell Mom, and she'll be so thrilled to tell Pastor Jim I know one of his friends' kids. How weird is that?"
"Yeah, the world is really small," Sam said, forcing a smile. He wasn't go to freak out. Even if the thought of Kerrie telling Pastor Jim all about going to school with Sam Winchester and his boyfriend Dean had his stomach clenching.
Maybe -- possibly -- the message would get so garbled that Pastor Jim would end up only hearing that Kerrie knew Sam and Dean, and any of Kerrie's romantic notions of how wonderful it was that Sam and Dean were in love would...
He needed to call Dean.
"I..uh..." he said, standing up. "Just need to..." He gestured in the direction of the bathrooms.
Kerrie and Mat didn't say a word as he left -- which made sense, there was nothing wrong with having to go take a piss. Sam walked past the bathrooms and into an empty study room, already pulling out his phone and dialling as he walked.
It didn't take long -- halfway into the first ring -- before he heard Dean's voice. "Hey, Sammy." He sounded happy.
Just hearing Dean's voice steadied Sam. "Hi Dean," he said. "Hunt going well?"
"Oh, yeah," Dean said, completely sarcastically. "We've been going from one end of town to the other, digging through news archives and county records and surveyors' maps. Real thrill-a-minute stuff."
Those were the parts of the job Dean had never really enjoyed -- he liked dealing with people, and things he could destroy. Still, even if this wasn't the part that was Dean's favourite, he sounded like he was enjoying himself, and Sam was struck not for the first time by just how much hunting meant to his brother.
"Hang on a sec," Dean said, then he heard his brother saying something -- sounded like he was talking to Dad. That was confirmed when he heard his dad's voice, then there was a pause -- then the noise of traffic and wind and Sam realised Dean had gone outside. "OK. Hey. Miss you."
"Miss you, too," Sam said, the words coming out more heartfelt than he'd intended. "I don't like waking up alone anymore."
Dean laughed. "Yeah -- thought about saying you should have come with me, but.. sharing a bed with Dad in the room? Not a good idea." Dean sounded more amused by the prospect than freaked out.
"Yeah, that could be... problematic," Sam agreed, and took a deep breath before moving to the reason he felt he needed to call. "Speaking of possible problems, we might have one. Or maybe not. I could just be overreacting and freaking out over nothing..."
"What's up?" Suddenly Dean was all business.
"You know Kerrie?"
"Cute blonde, from your economics class? Yeah -- hey, if this is about me buying her beer... what the hell do you care? I buy you beer all the time."
"She's from Blue Earth," Sam said.
There was the slightest pause, then, "She knows Pastor Jim?" Dean said, with audible trepidation.
"Yeah. And she thinks we're cute. Cute enough to talk about."
"We are cute enough to talk about," Dean retorted, but from the stunned way he said it, Sam knew the impact was not lost on him. A second later, Dean said, "Fuck. Fuck me. Fuck us both, sideways."
"Yeah. And I was so surprised to hear her talking about Pastor Jim that I told her I knew him," Sam admitted, realising now that that had been his mistake. "I'm sorry."
"Would that matter? If she knows him, she'd talk about us anyway sooner or later. Blue Earth is a tiny fucking town, everyone knows everyone else."
"We're lucky we never ran into Kerrie when we were staying with Pastor Jim," Sam said, thinking what a mess they'd been in now if she'd had.
"Yeah. She's gonna tell him all about us, isn't she?" Dean asked, in a hushed tone.
"Probably, yeah. Dean..." Sam trailed off, not sure what he wanted to say.
"Soon as Pastor Jim hears, he'll tell Dad."
"Yeah. We have to..." Again Sam trailed off, feeling lost.
There was a pause, then, in a quiet, tight voice, Dean said, "I have to tell Dad."
"No," Sam said immediately. He swallowed hard. "Not... at least not alone. If we have to tell him, we do it together."
There was no response, and Sam knew what Dean was thinking -- that he'd protect Sam. Give himself up as the target.
"Together, Dean," he repeated. "Promise me."
"What if he asks?" Dean asked. "Sam, I can't lie to him." He laughed, once, harshly. "I tried last night; I suck at lying to him."
"It's not likely to come up in random conversation," Sam said. "Not in...however long it'll take me to get there. I doubt Kerrie's making a special phone call right now to tell Pastor Jim about us or anything."
"You're...coming up here?" Dean sounded surprised -- but also quite clearly hopeful. Though maybe the longing Sam heard was as much due to the fact that they missed each other than anything else.
"Well, this isn't really something we can break to Dad over the phone, and I'm not letting you do this by yourself," Sam pointed out. "So yeah, looks like I am."
"I--" Dean sounded happy, then, "How are you gonna get up here? Sammy, if you hotwire a car....make it a good one."
Sam chuckled at this typical Dean advice. "I was thinking I might fly up. Could you pick me up at the airport if I do?"
"I dunno, Sammy," Dean drawled, voice thick with sarcasm. "Maybe I'll just go grab a pizza instead. Moron."
"Just checking," Sam defended himself. "You could be really hungry for pizza, after all."
"Sam, you're a dickhead." Dean's voice changed, then, casual and friendly and distant. "I gotta get back to work. Some of us have important things to do."
"I'll call when I know when I'll be getting in," Sam promised, then after a pause added, "Love you."
"Asshole," Dean responded, in a cheerful tone. Then the call was disconnected from Dean's end.
Sam stood there listening to dead air for a moment, before shaking himself and taking a deep breath. Dialing another number, he set about booking himself airline tickets to Spokane.
end chapter two