gilascave | Mal/Simon for kalyw (Reply)

Simon knows this is a mistake but he has no idea when Mal will point this out.

Not the sleeping-with-Mal. That part is most definitely not a mistake. Simon's fumbled overture and stammered half-offer was met with a grin and a nod and an invitation into Mal's room and into his bed. And Simon thinks it's the most extraordinary part of this whole life he's ended up in. That, and the fact that his sister apparently has ESP and a penchant for speaking in riddles. She used to just be brilliant and scary.

But sleeping with Mal is really...the best words for it are crude ones. Not 'fuck' level crude, even though they do that quite a bit. But earthy and simple and right to the point.

Which 'fuck' is as well, but Simon hastens to tell himself he means words he could use in front of women.

But it doesn't really matter, because it's a mistake. That Mal should *want* to sleep with him, despite the number of times he's done so. Because Simon keeps meaning to tell him that it isn't about what his body wants. It's about what the rest of him needs and he knows that for Mal it's just fun.

When Mal finds out that Simon's in love with him, Mal is going to boot them off the ship so fast -- to avoid awkwardness and hurt feelings and it's best for the crew and for Simon that he not have to stay on a ship with someone who doesn't love him back.

Simon knows he should stop sleeping with Mal before he says something. But every time he opens his mouth, crude words come out and all he ends up with is Mal, inside him, screaming in Chinese. He's standing in the hallway right now, trying to convince himself that this time it will work. They're landing on Michina in a few days and it's a perfect place for he and River to leave.

River walks past him and he freezes, but she smiles at him in a not-quite-insane way and she doesn't need him right now. He lets her go and goes back to staring at the intersection that leads to Mal's door.

"He's waiting," River says quietly, and it's the first time she's let him know that she knows.

He wants to tell her it's none of her business.

"And you're stupid," she adds, sounding like she did when she was four, scorning him for his only-above-average intellect. "We're not leaving." And she leaves, down the hallway and gone, and Simon is walking towards Mal's quarters because there is one thing he has known all his life. All River's life.

River is always right.