AIYM, 12/12

[gilascave]

Alone in Your Mind
Chapter Twelve

They somehow made it to the gateroom, fully dressed and completely presentable, two minutes before the gate activated. Carson couldn't help but tug on his shirt once more, even though he knew that not only was it not long enough to hide anything, but that there really was no evidence remaining.

"Relax," John said. "No one will care that you got some while they were away."

Carson thought about hitting him -- and noticed that Rodney had rolled a large cart into the room. "What's that for?"

"Stuff," Rodney said, and he set it aside and joined them, facing the gate. Carson realised he must be expecting things for his lab.

The wormhole activated -- Carson noted that the terminology the Atlanteans used translated more or less literally into "whooshed." A second passed, and Dr. Weir walked through the event horizon and into the gateroom.

"Welcome to Atlantis," Rodney said. "We are your humble hosts." He put his hands together and bowed.

"Ignore him," John said. "He hasn't had any breakfast today."

Weir just grinned at them and walked up to stand before Carson and John. Behind her, people were following her back into Atlantis.

"I trust everything went all right in our absence?" she asked John.

"Everything went fine. No trouble at all. Unless you consider that we're almost out of oatmeal."

Carson coughed, then just smiled when Elizabeth gave him a curious look. But then he smiled again and it was very obviously the diplomat's smile. She reached into the bag slung over her shoulder, and brought out a small parcel wrapped in paper.

"Here, Carson. I brought these back for you."

"What--" He took it, and pulled back the paper. Behind Weir, people were just...milling. Making room for the rest of the expedition team, but not going anywhere.

Inside the wrapped paper were a half dozen scones. He looked up at her. "Are these--?"

She nodded. "Potato. I tried one myself, and they're not bad."

He was surprised. He'd listed them among the items he'd given Rodney, not really expecting to get them. Certainly not once Rodney and John remained behind in Atlantis. Obviously, Rodney had passed the list on to Weir. "Oh...Elizabeth, thank you."

"And you have enough to share," Rodney said, peering over his shoulder. "Excellent."

Carson gave him a dirty look. "I don't see how this wee batch is enough to share." He wrapped the paper back around them, knowing he'd end up sharing them with Rodney and John but there was no need to let them know that.

Dr. Weir stepped aside, then, and Katherine, his head nurse, stepped into her place. "Here, Dr. Beckett."

Blinking in surprise, he took the item she handed to him. It was a small iPod.

She grinned and said, "I've loaded it with all the new albums that came out since we came here, of the stuff you like."

Carson hadn't thought he'd be further surprised, but he was. "*Really*?"

"What is it, a thousand hours of bagpipe music?" John frowned.

Katherine shook her head. "No. Lil' Kim, Black Eyed Peas, Foxy Brown... I had my little sister help me pick the albums."

Carson couldn't believe it. He'd had discussions with Katherine about modern music, comparing their tastes and finding that they didn't quite overlap. He'd never thought she would remember so well what he liked, though.

He looked up to find John and Rodney staring at him. "You listen to hip hop?" John asked.

"It's too late to change your mind," Carson said, and thought that trying to keep his relationship with them a private matter might have been a good idea. He started to try to apologise without making things worse, but Rodney was smiling so hard he was practically beaming.

"Enjoy," Katherine said, and she moved out of the way of Dr. Stavish, who handed Carson a book.

"What in the world?" Carson took it, and turned it over. A Ian McEwan book he'd never seen before. "This is new?"

"Brand new," Stavish said. "Came out just a few days ago."

"This..." He looked over at John and Rodney, realising what they'd done. "You didn't have to--"

"Yes, we did," Rodney said easily. "I asked members of my staff to bring me back a few things. It would hardly be fair not to do the same for you, once John and I decided to remain here."

"Dr. Stavish isn't on my staff, though," Carson pointed out. "What are you--" John was taking the scones, iPod, and book out of his hands and setting them onto the cart Rodney had brought. And Dr. Stavish was walking away, and behind him was a woman he'd never met before.

"I'm Dr. Collin," she said, holding out her hand. "I'm your new ER doctor."

"OH! A pleasure, a very definite pleasure." Carson shook her hand. Then he realised she was holding out a small box. She shrugged, grinning. "It was my assignment."

He took it and opened it, discovering three tins of loose leaf tea. He looked up at her, then at Rodney.

"I might have assigned the things on your list to a few people," he said. He was looking at the crowd of people in the gateroom -- none of them making any effort to leave, but just all standing around. Looking at them.

"What have you done?" Carson asked, and Dr. Collins stepped away, to be replaced by a Private Roger Jefferson.

"Here ya go, doc," he said, handing over another book. Carson barely took it before Jefferson stepped aside to let another marine step into his place. Sergeant Anderson, it was, who handed Carson a small box. Carson peeked inside and saw a stack of DVDs. He didn't have time to pull them out to see what they were before John took them, set them on the cart, and Dr. Baturin stepped forward. He handed over two boxes of tea biscuits.

Then he stepped aside, and a marine Carson didn't know took his place. He was given another book, then another stack of CDs, then Margie Gibbons handed him a small photo album and gave him a kiss on the cheek, telling him it was direct from his cousin Muria. Carson opened the album and saw pictures -- none of which he'd ever seen before. All recent, then.

He tried to say thank you, but nothing came out of his mouth. Margie just smiled and moved away as John took the album out of his hands and set it on the cart. Susanna took her place and gave him something -- he didn't unwrap it, couldn't even begin to process what was happening. This wasn't ten items. This was dozens of people standing in the gateroom, waiting their turn.

He looked around, blinking rapidly against the tears forming, and realised that every single person returning from Earth was standing there, waiting.

Holding small gifts in their hands.

He looked at Rodney and John, and Rodney looked more smug than he had ever looked in all the time Carson had known him.

"I don't know what to say," he stammered, and he blindly accepted a few more items from people, who were all smiling and saying they hoped he liked them and Dr. McKay had been very, very explicit about what they should bring back.

He didn't even try to look closely, knowing that he was too near bawling as it was. Then Teyla stepped forward and she gave him a very tender look, and held out an envelope. He took it, surprised at its thickness. Turning it over, he read his name. Written in his mum's handwriting.

"I could not tell her where you were or why you could not go home, but I assured her you were safe and well. I am certain she believed me."

Carson nodded, still staring at the envelope. So thick, there must be a dozen or more pages inside. He looked up, knowing he was gone, knowing he was crying in front of everyone. But he couldn't help himself.

Teyla moved forward and hugged him, and he was able to hang onto her while he tried to get himself back under control. He felt a hand on his back, Rodney or John, and the silent support made it easier to finally regain his composure. For now -- he handed the envelope over to Rodney, to open it later, in private.

"She is a remarkable woman," Teyla said. "She speaks very highly of you."

"Aye, she does. Brags on me without the slightest provocation," Carson said, finding his voice with some difficulty.

"With good reason," Teyla replied, and she moved aside and the line began to move again. Carson could do nothing more than take what was handed to him and nod, trying to say thank you. But soon people were simply piling the items directly onto the cart and Carson was holding onto Rodney's arm.

Even the new team members were bringing things, people who didn't know him. Returning team members whom he barely knew, handing over gifts they'd brought back in their small bag alloted for personal items. He noticed a few people with items for John and Rodney, and was relieved they'd not gone without, themselves. But still....

"I don't understand," he finally said, watching as the cart was piled higher.

"If it weren't for you, we wouldn't have gone home at all," said Dr. Weir, and he turned, surprised to find her behind him. "Everyone is grateful, and this is a small way for us to express that."

Sandy Myers and Peter Grodin both nodded their agreement, as they added more things to the cart. "It isn't as though it were a hardship," Peter said in a gentle voice. Not like the hardship of never being allowed to return home, was clear, though unspoken.

Carson thought he was going to lose it, again, and clamped his jaw shut. Rodney slipped his arm around Carson's shoulders and pulled him in; Carson let his head fall against Rodney's and squeezed his eyes shut. The repair scroll was frozen, had been for several minutes with every item dimmed until he could barely read the words. Rodney's hand was on his head, holding him tightly, and there was another touch on his arm, a brief but tight squeeze.

He suddenly understood why Rodney and John had decided they needed quite so much space.

He pressed his face against Rodney's shoulder and tried very hard not to break down again. He could hear people moving away, still hear them placing things on the cart and John saying thank you on his behalf. He didn't try to let go, didn't care anymore who knew, who could see.

"Come on," John said, after a moment. "Let Rodney take you home."

Carson nodded and eased himself away from Rodney's embrace. Rodney kept hold of his hand, and pulled him away from the cart -- dear god, it was piled so high with gifts. Carson stared, then turned his head. He let Rodney pull him away, stumbling a bit as he tried to follow. It was hard to walk when it was hard to see.

He didn't hear anyone say a word as they left, and he hoped he'd not insulted anyone by not remaining to receive their gift.

"I was hoping you'd like them," Rodney said, quietly.

Carson nodded, fast. "I do. I do, I...just wasn't expecting anything like this." He blinked rapidly, trying to focus on Rodney's face. "You asked them all...?"

"Well, told, more like. Although no one argued. OK, I didn't even ask Kavanagh, but I didn't see him come through the gate, did you?" Rodney grinned, as though in triumph.

"That would explain the ferret cage," he said, forcing himself to joke. Better, he thought, than crying again.

Rodney just nodded. "It would, indeed." He leaned over, and gave Carson a light kiss on the cheek. They walked a bit more, then Rodney said, "You were kidding about not sharing the scones, right?"

Carson just smiled.


**********

Weir sat down in her office chair, stretching her legs out and propping her feet on the desk. The month back on Earth had been...extraordinary. Wonderful. Harder than she'd ever expected.

She'd seen Simon, briefly. Long enough to have a painful and awkward conversation which ended with them saying their goodbyes. She'd expected it, but actually doing it had been hard.

She'd been able to immerse herself in work afterward, though, returning to the SGC and beginning the personnel selection for the new staff. She'd ended up with forty one new volunteers to supplement the original expedition -- and lost only three as people opted to remain on Earth. She had high hopes the new staff would fit in well and was looking forward to getting back to work.

John appeared at her doorway and she waved him in.

"So, how was your vacation?" she asked. He smirked, which told her everything she cared to know. She held up her hand. "Don't tell me. As long as nothing went wrong, I don't want to hear the details."

"Nothing went wrong," he said, in an obedient tone. He sat down in the chair opposite her desk, and she pulled her feet off it. "We did have one...well, several, interesting developments. But one I think you're really going to like."

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Tell me."

He was grinning like a kid. "We did some translation. Well, Carson did. That thing in his head translates stuff from Atlantean to Gaelic, and he translated--"

"Into English?" She sat up straight, her fingers itching to turn on the laptop on her desk and dive into the databases.

"Not everything," John said quickly. "But...enough, I think it'll get us a lot farther ahead than where we ever hoped to get this soon."

She opened her laptop and turned it on. John sat quietly as she looked at the files they'd copied over. She opened one at random, and found the Ancient script partially written in English.

It was several minutes before she finally tore herself away from it and looked up. "We have a full report of the things we did over the last month." John began, then he stopped, turning red. "I mean, with the Atlantis technology." He turned more red. "Work related."

Elizabeth forced herself not to laugh. "Excellent. I'll look forward to reading it."

Nodding, John stood up and stepped away from her desk. She thought about stopping him, then changed her mind and let him go. After the door closed, she opened her email to double-check her suspicions.

There was a room change notice, emailed to her by Rodney, dated three days ago. All she could think was, she really hoped she didn't find all three of them in the hallways.

the end