What Else Are Friends For
May. 29th, 2003 10:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gilascavePeter/Egon, part seven
He didn't have to pay attention, though. Not to that. Not to Ray and Winston moving off, making plans to do...something. Go somewhere, get pizza, possibly take over the world.
Peter wasn't listening.
Egon's lips were against his. The physical sensation of it was nothing new -- he'd kissed before, tasted many mouths and learnt the flavour of dozens of men and women. The touch of warms, dry lips on his own was nothing unfamiliar.
Even the press of a body against his, one slightly taller which required that he tilt his head ever so slightly up, was nothing new. He could feel the warmth from Egon's body at his stomach, and his chest, and his groin, and the light touch of Egon's hand on the small of his back. Even the scent was familiar, because he'd known Egon, worked with him and lived with him for so many years that the fact that he was smashed together with him only made it stronger. There was nothing new to discover there.
It wasn't until Egon backed away, looking at him with a mixture of concern and anticipation, that Peter realised what was new.
He wanted to do it again.
Peter grabbed Egon's shoulders, and pulled him back, kissing Egon again, hard. He felt Egon's mouth opening against his, and he took the invitation. Gripping Egon's shoulders tightly, he hung on, kissing him and not stopping to question the why or wherefore until he heard a soft noise of protest.
He let go quickly, and backed away. "Wha--"
Whatever the problem, it hadn't been that, apparently. Egon stepped forward, taking Peter's arm and pulling him close. He was smiling, faintly, and his eyes were glistening. In a deceptively calm tone, he said, "I merely wished to shift my weight before we fell over backwards."
"Oh. Then I wasn't...." He closed his mouth before saying something stupid.
From the sound of muffled laughter coming from the other end of the room, he didn't know if he'd managed that in time. He turned and glared at Ray and Winston, who were still standing by the door.
Ray looked back, innocently. "We were waiting to ask if you two wanted us to bring back a pizza."
Peter wanted to give them a twenty, and orders to stay out for at least three hours. Before he could actually do so, he looked back at Egon. One -- or two -- kisses do not a relationship make, he told himself. Supposed to just be an experiment. He was only supposed to find out how it felt -- if it felt, at all.
"I...Egon, do you wanna get some pizza?" He kept his tone as inflectionless as possible. He had no idea what Egon would be thinking. As well as he knew his friend, he didn't have any idea how to guess what he would be thinking now.
Egon regarded him, seriously. Peter tried not to squirm. "I believe you had a question to answer, Peter."
"About the pizza?" Peter knew exactly what Egon was talking about, but he didn't want to face the question. Embarrassment, again? Was he getting his money's worth out of the one new emotion he'd discovered?
Egon just looked at him, waiting. Peter knew he wasn't going to get out of this without answering -- not without making Egon think that he really didn't feel anything and was trying to spare Egon's own feelings. But--
"I don't know what to say." He shrugged dismissively, but answered honestly. "I don't know...what I feel."
"It appeared that you preferred the kiss over the one you gave Winston," Egon responded. He sounded amused.
"Who wouldn't?" Peter grinned, giving Winston a quick glance. But he turned back to Egon, serious again, and confessed, "I didn't feel anything different. I don't know what -- I don't think I did feel anything. There's nothing.... Egon, I just don't know!" He was trying to pin down something inside him that was anything like what an emotion was supposed to be. But all there were, were the physical sensations and a mass of confusion.
There was a long silence, and Peter wondered if Egon was trying to think of a way to say it didn't matter. Or say it wouldn't change anything.
Or if he was going to say he understood but things would never be the same again.
"Would you like to do it again?" Egon asked.
"Yeah." Peter blinked. "Do you?" He was pretty sure Egon wasn't the type to offer to have a casual affair -- but he reminded himself that two, three, or even a dozen kisses didn't mean anyone was having anything. Scientific curiousity, he told himself. Egon was nothing if not scientifically curious.
There was a twitch of Egon's mouth. "Why?"
Peter stared. It took him a moment to ask, "Huh?" A second later he realised where Egon was going. "I do want to kiss you again. And more. That doesn't mean I... I'm sorry, Egon. It doesn't mean I feel any *emotions*."
But Egon stepped forward, and there was suddenly no space between them. Egon's face only inches away, and his body pressed against Peter's own like they'd done this a hundred times. Knees and hipbones side by side, and Egon's mouth just almost perfectly positioned for kissing.
"Do you wish to kiss me again, Peter?"
"Yes." He was pretty sure he'd meant to say it, but it came out as a whisper. "But maybe it's just a physical thing, Egon." He hated saying it, but knew it had to be repeated. Egon had to understand. "Maybe you're just my type." There was a hand on his hip, and Peter wondered if maybe two kisses were going to mean more.
Peter felt Egon tense and his voice was suddenly curt and determined. "What if I said you could not ever kiss me again?"
"What?" Peter jerked away, but grabbed onto Egon. "You--" Peter swallowed the word 'can't'. Egon could, and he had every right to. Peter felt something cold and hard in his throat, and he shook his head. "What did I do?"
It made no sense when Egon slowly smiled. He gave Peter a light kiss, and the tension was gone again. "For the record, Peter, I love you, too."
"I...." He had no idea if he did. But -- he realised, he had no idea if he didn't. He wrapped his arms around Egon and put his head on Egon's shoulder. "This means I can kiss you, right?"
Egon hugged him, hard. "I should be disappointed if you didn't."
"Egon.. I don't...." He still didn't think he could feel anything, and he hated to think Egon believed he really did and just couldn't tell. He didn't want to mislead him -- but neither did he want to let go.
And it occurred to him that maybe that was Egon's point, all along.
He didn't have to pay attention, though. Not to that. Not to Ray and Winston moving off, making plans to do...something. Go somewhere, get pizza, possibly take over the world.
Peter wasn't listening.
Egon's lips were against his. The physical sensation of it was nothing new -- he'd kissed before, tasted many mouths and learnt the flavour of dozens of men and women. The touch of warms, dry lips on his own was nothing unfamiliar.
Even the press of a body against his, one slightly taller which required that he tilt his head ever so slightly up, was nothing new. He could feel the warmth from Egon's body at his stomach, and his chest, and his groin, and the light touch of Egon's hand on the small of his back. Even the scent was familiar, because he'd known Egon, worked with him and lived with him for so many years that the fact that he was smashed together with him only made it stronger. There was nothing new to discover there.
It wasn't until Egon backed away, looking at him with a mixture of concern and anticipation, that Peter realised what was new.
He wanted to do it again.
Peter grabbed Egon's shoulders, and pulled him back, kissing Egon again, hard. He felt Egon's mouth opening against his, and he took the invitation. Gripping Egon's shoulders tightly, he hung on, kissing him and not stopping to question the why or wherefore until he heard a soft noise of protest.
He let go quickly, and backed away. "Wha--"
Whatever the problem, it hadn't been that, apparently. Egon stepped forward, taking Peter's arm and pulling him close. He was smiling, faintly, and his eyes were glistening. In a deceptively calm tone, he said, "I merely wished to shift my weight before we fell over backwards."
"Oh. Then I wasn't...." He closed his mouth before saying something stupid.
From the sound of muffled laughter coming from the other end of the room, he didn't know if he'd managed that in time. He turned and glared at Ray and Winston, who were still standing by the door.
Ray looked back, innocently. "We were waiting to ask if you two wanted us to bring back a pizza."
Peter wanted to give them a twenty, and orders to stay out for at least three hours. Before he could actually do so, he looked back at Egon. One -- or two -- kisses do not a relationship make, he told himself. Supposed to just be an experiment. He was only supposed to find out how it felt -- if it felt, at all.
"I...Egon, do you wanna get some pizza?" He kept his tone as inflectionless as possible. He had no idea what Egon would be thinking. As well as he knew his friend, he didn't have any idea how to guess what he would be thinking now.
Egon regarded him, seriously. Peter tried not to squirm. "I believe you had a question to answer, Peter."
"About the pizza?" Peter knew exactly what Egon was talking about, but he didn't want to face the question. Embarrassment, again? Was he getting his money's worth out of the one new emotion he'd discovered?
Egon just looked at him, waiting. Peter knew he wasn't going to get out of this without answering -- not without making Egon think that he really didn't feel anything and was trying to spare Egon's own feelings. But--
"I don't know what to say." He shrugged dismissively, but answered honestly. "I don't know...what I feel."
"It appeared that you preferred the kiss over the one you gave Winston," Egon responded. He sounded amused.
"Who wouldn't?" Peter grinned, giving Winston a quick glance. But he turned back to Egon, serious again, and confessed, "I didn't feel anything different. I don't know what -- I don't think I did feel anything. There's nothing.... Egon, I just don't know!" He was trying to pin down something inside him that was anything like what an emotion was supposed to be. But all there were, were the physical sensations and a mass of confusion.
There was a long silence, and Peter wondered if Egon was trying to think of a way to say it didn't matter. Or say it wouldn't change anything.
Or if he was going to say he understood but things would never be the same again.
"Would you like to do it again?" Egon asked.
"Yeah." Peter blinked. "Do you?" He was pretty sure Egon wasn't the type to offer to have a casual affair -- but he reminded himself that two, three, or even a dozen kisses didn't mean anyone was having anything. Scientific curiousity, he told himself. Egon was nothing if not scientifically curious.
There was a twitch of Egon's mouth. "Why?"
Peter stared. It took him a moment to ask, "Huh?" A second later he realised where Egon was going. "I do want to kiss you again. And more. That doesn't mean I... I'm sorry, Egon. It doesn't mean I feel any *emotions*."
But Egon stepped forward, and there was suddenly no space between them. Egon's face only inches away, and his body pressed against Peter's own like they'd done this a hundred times. Knees and hipbones side by side, and Egon's mouth just almost perfectly positioned for kissing.
"Do you wish to kiss me again, Peter?"
"Yes." He was pretty sure he'd meant to say it, but it came out as a whisper. "But maybe it's just a physical thing, Egon." He hated saying it, but knew it had to be repeated. Egon had to understand. "Maybe you're just my type." There was a hand on his hip, and Peter wondered if maybe two kisses were going to mean more.
Peter felt Egon tense and his voice was suddenly curt and determined. "What if I said you could not ever kiss me again?"
"What?" Peter jerked away, but grabbed onto Egon. "You--" Peter swallowed the word 'can't'. Egon could, and he had every right to. Peter felt something cold and hard in his throat, and he shook his head. "What did I do?"
It made no sense when Egon slowly smiled. He gave Peter a light kiss, and the tension was gone again. "For the record, Peter, I love you, too."
"I...." He had no idea if he did. But -- he realised, he had no idea if he didn't. He wrapped his arms around Egon and put his head on Egon's shoulder. "This means I can kiss you, right?"
Egon hugged him, hard. "I should be disappointed if you didn't."
"Egon.. I don't...." He still didn't think he could feel anything, and he hated to think Egon believed he really did and just couldn't tell. He didn't want to mislead him -- but neither did he want to let go.
And it occurred to him that maybe that was Egon's point, all along.